Our father is 94 was told several years ago to stop driving. Our mother and other family members refuse to intervene even though he can no longer make phones calls, fix a sandwich, etc. We children have taken the vehicle but he managed to reclaim it, doctors reported him to bureau of motor vehicles but all to no avail. What to do?
I.e. go on a few rides with him and show him how it's done.
(Disclaimer: I've never used one myself! But I think it's worth knowing how to do.)
If you are able, maybe contact the local police force and speak to the traffic division. Maybe there is an officer who can come speak to your Dad.
My DH was able to drive until he went on a walker at age 95 - but he volunteered to allow his license to lapse when we learned it would lower my car insurance. He kept the out-of-date license as proof of identity.
I am sure the people who allowed the drunk to get behind the wheel, thought it was too much bother to stop him. Too much bother to report him to the police. My step brother and sister, were driving home from a movie, not even 20 yet, they burned to death in the crash.
You go ahead and wait for the crash. Then you can tell the family, oh I knew they should not be driving, but I did not want to upset the Apple cart.
No, not really an answer. I will say it was the hardest thing with my mom. Every situation will be different in its solutions.
Mom's car was taken from her in a tricky way. She voluntarily "donated" the car to a family member who was in need. So fo awhile no car and no keys. It was still a fight because she did not want to believe she was not legally able to drive. We found passages of driving law (cherry picked) that supported our claim against her driving. She reluctantly accepted it but wanted to challenge it or get retested.
Te very lucky thing was the car just wasn't available (i.e. far from where we lived). She challenged the idea of her driving off and on for years until she passed. We just continued making up stories mixed in with talks of legality, doctor's rule and common sense.
Hide the car the simplest advice.
Calling the state police can be helpful IF it is done at a time when your father is driving and can be caught doing so. You're probably not going to be able to do that from your location.
Your focus has to be on convincing the people who are near him to stop enabling him. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this fear and frustration.
A few weeks ago, my wife had a short hospital stay and our daughter was going to drive Grammy to a Dr appointment so I could stay with my wife at the hospital. As our daughter was crossing the yard to get her, Grammy goes tearing out the driveway like Mario Andretti, so she calls us and tells us what's going down. About a half hour later, my wife gets a call from her mom's primary care who's very upset that MiL has driven herself to her appointment. Said, MiL was very proud of herself that she'd given everyone the slip and drove the 15 miles to the Dr's office "only getting turned around a few times".
Upshot was her Dr finally did the paperwork to DMV to have her license pulled, and wrote on a prescription paper her name, "DO NOT DRIVE!" and signed it. We put the keys to her car in a lock box (except the set that our daughter has). Now when she starts up about wanting to drive, we tell her that keys were taken away and show her the prescription for her not to drive. If she continues to protest, we tell her that if her Dr says she can drive, she can have the keys back. And I drive her to the church and store on Sundays.
Now if we can just get her to quit asking what day it is every 2 minutes.
He never drove again.
I would fax the script that the MD wrote to the auto insurance company to make the point that your parent should NOT be allowed to drive. That might be enough to make them terminate his insurance.
In the meantime, I agree with the others. The vehicle needs to be taken away!
We had to take mom's car away. Fortunately she didn't have enough where-withal to call the police or anyone about the car being "missing." Whined, moaned, accused me of taking her key (YB did that), accused me of disabling it when she found the spare key (YB did that on my suggestion) and complained, made excuses, etc, but after a while she gave up the ghost. Eventually she would say the worst thing she did was give up her "wheels", like SHE made that decision!!!
I know someone whose father had dementia and they had detached the battery from his car so that he couldn't use it, but he managed to ask an unsuspecting neighbor to help him and managed to drive out of state until he ran out of gas. They had to initiate a silver alert. When the police found him, he had his cat in the car with him, so animal control had to be called...it was a mess.
If the fear of your dad getting hurt or killed doesn't hold any weight with your mom, maybe you could tell your mother that if she refuses to stop him from driving, she could be financially liable if he were to cause an accident and hurt someone.
I know this is difficult for your dad. Losing that independence and control would be difficult for any of us.
I think a previous poster suggested this and I think it is a great idea of letting your dad's favorite child or grandchild ask to borrow his car and then never returning it. Genius!
Many individuals suggested that you disable the car, here is the problem with doing that: I had a client who's family disabled his car by removed the distributor cap so the car would not drive. When the gentleman found out that his car did not start he called for a cab, went to a car dealership and brought a new car. I could not believe that someone actually allowed him to buy a car but they did!
This is a very hard situation to deal with and what works for one individual will not always work for another.
Guess you should think about going to talk with your local Sheriff about this. I am sure he can intervene in some way once he has enough proof. God Bless