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shona Asked May 2009

How can I better understand my friend who has Dementia?

I know someone with a dementia although she carnt remember anything of her daily tasks she always refers back to a time in her life where she talks about a baby or babies. She always mentions a lady too and gives me her name like she knows her. The way she talks is like she has experienced something in her life that knowone knows about, not even her family. Theres nothing in her documents. I get the impression that she may have had a baby that has died because she talks about this in her own way and then says that a girl was laughing about it. She gets very upset. She talks about lots of people within this converstaion and this is something she goes back to alot. She also lays her clothes out on her bed like she will lay a outfit out on her bed as if it is a person because she talks to it. She talks about babys lined up. Girls on one side and boys on another. She mentions girls as if these are the girls that have had the babys. I ask where she workes before and i am told she worked in a shop. She speaks of a doctor and tells me he is lovely. She also comes out of her room like in a rush to tell me its time and that i have to go in asap like someone is in labour. This may sound all confusing but I Want to try and understand her. Some people just dont think to much of it where as I do. If this hadnt really happend then why does she cry the way she does, why isnt any documented. What can I say. I do talk to her and to be honest i could sit there all day and listen to her. I think she must of gone through something but carnt think what. Any help would be much appreciated.

shona May 2009
Thankyou very much xx

NAUSEATED May 2009
Dear shona, you sound like a wonderful sweet caregiver. This world is such a wonderful place with people like YOU in it. Much love to you and God Bless you!

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shona May 2009
Thankyou for your answer. I do comfort the lady. I have been doing this kind of work for 7 years but have never come accross anything such like this. I have worked with people with demensia but this one has thrown me. She is a lovely lady, well all of my ladys and gents are. I really enjoy my job but feel some staff think i take it to serious. I see it like this that one day this person i see before me could just be me and that frightens me but also comforts me to think there is actually people like me out there. When the lady speaks how she does I go along with her and I do ask her questions. The lady always sets her clothes out on her bed and when i have tidied her wardrobe she ruffles it all up again. The staff tell me not to touch her things as she is likely to get cross with me but she hasnt as of yet. I ask her to help me clear away her things and she does. I talk with her as we do things togather. I encourage all my ladys and gents to do as much for themselfs as possible to make them feel normal and to involve them in there choices and so on. Its sad to see how some of them are. Its even more sad when you hear them know there is something wrong and this is when they get frustrated with themselfs. I do find the emi people more of a challenge tho as these people can lash out at any time. I just love my job, infact i dont even see it as a job.

NAUSEATED May 2009
Hi Dear shona! I have heard and read that people with dementia/alzheimers do have hallucinations. I hope it is just a hallucination and not something horrible she has experienced and is reliving over and over in her life. That would be sad. I have heard and seen from documentaries, that it is best to play along with them, and try and comfort them, and let them know you understand. My dad has dementia, but I have not seen anything like this yet, hope I don't. However, we visited an assisted living facility the other day, and when the nurse asked him where he was from he said he was from (the name of the workplace, he retired from). This is definately a learning experience. Good luck to you, let us know how it goes.

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