Is it healthy for my two toddlers to live in the same house as my sick elderly father?
My fathers sickness has taken a toll on our family. My mother my husband and two samll children. Is it healthy for my two toddlers to live in the same house
I guess we do need a little more insight to your fathers illness but in my situation, my Mom moved in 4 years ago, my boys were 2,6, and 8. She has severe emphysema and the docs said they were more worried about her getting sick from them. She has her own area and when they are sick they do not go by grandma. The compassion thing is so true my two older boys have learned that immensely. The youngest gets angry with grandma sometimes when she tells him what to do. All in all it worked for us. IT IS NOT EASY. My mom is getting worse with her illness and is more needy, so I have to balance my time with everyone. Good luck to you.
Oh man! I'm going to have to make a list for my son and daughter-in-law for the future I guess. When and if I go down this road with dementia/alz.. Yes - tell me when I stink and throw me in the shower if necessary Yes - if I start saying mean things to you, throw me in a 'home' No - don't feel guilty, cause you were a wonderful son No - if your dad has died before me and I don't remember, then don't tell me the truth. I won't remember it anyhow Yes - go to the doctor appts with me, cause I like to argue with drs. No- don't have me live with you unless I can respect your space & need for privacy. Yes - as soon as I start becoming clingy and whiny, tell me to 'buck up' & put my big girl pants on. This is life! It will be kinda like an advance directive for when I lose my marbles so he won't have to go on a website like this looking for answers. :)
That is an excellent point, naheaton about the life most children bring into our older lives. Same with the laughter, I agree, pamela.
tennessee, don't be so quick to beat up on yourself as not being the best role model. As for your siblings who may not care, it is hard, no doubt, but it is also an expectation imposed on them. Sad though it may be, they are not required to care, but it may be that they do care and simply do not have the emotional strength you have to face the circumstances you are facing with your Dad. Family, or not, I choose to not blame anyone who runs away from the enormity of caregiving. Being a caregiver requires commitment that some folks simply don't have, or simply may not have the endurance or energy. I really do understand that and can't blame anyone who backs off, though I personally don't choose to live my life that way when it comes to providing assistive care to either of my parents.
If you feel up to it and think it will help you to move forward, you may want to consider calling a family meeting with your siblings to let them know how you feel and offering them ideas of what they might consider doing to pitch in. If you do go that route, still remember that it is all about our own expectations of what another person who is a relative ought to be doing. They are free agents who may decide otherwise, which still leaves the issue of an unmet expectation- unless we choose to adjust, let go, and move on to plan b. It is hard to be primary caregiver. I understand, first hand. Sounds like you may need a break. There is nothing wrong with that. If family won't come to your aid, you may want to consider respite services? Whatever you do, celebrate that you are doing your very best. Don't bash yourself, ok?
Well I don't know about that making us feel young thing :) but kids do have a way of adjusting and adapting to things with a lot more ease that we old folk do. No matter what age a person is, there's always something that kids say that makes them laugh. I like to laugh.
Now if your father has dementia/alz and is acting inappropriate with your young children, then of course he has to go. But I agree, if he's not got a contagious disease, then it would be good for both the children, and dad to have them around him. Kids make us feel younger I think.
Hi Lori--I am in agreement as well with Caregiverslights, and some others...Why shield the toddlers from your dad's illness if he is not contageous? The children of today, are quite resilient....and have that right to know what is going on in the family. We all learn by our experiences.
It depends upon what kind of illness he has, it's symptoms and how it affects the others in the household. Another consideration is : How big is the house? If you have a large spread, then everyone can live their own way. If it's a tiny three-bedroom with one family room, one tv and one dining table, then there may be a problem. I love Caregiverslight's response.
My daughter helped take care of her DAD who had cancer and passed away, then helped take care of my DAD who had heart problems.She's 10 now and is the most compassionate human being I have ever known. Our ordeal has made her wise beyond her years. I wished everything could have been the way we had first dreamed it would have been. I wanted to be a good role model and my dad was a good role model for me. She is super little girl. I don't understand why my brothers are so cold and uncaring.Why is it always one sibling with the most compassion?Why is it mostly female?
Unless something is going wrong, your toddlers may learn compassion in life by example. If something else is happening, that would be a different story. You haven't shared how your Dad's illness has taken a toll on everyone. Is it the assistive care that he needs, or is it just hard to see him sick or suffering and you all feel helpless? Your toddlers' health depends on your handling of the situation and the balance you and the other adults may add to their lives. They are more resilient than adults, in my opinion. Hope your situation works to your satisfaction, ultimately.
11 Answers
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Yes - tell me when I stink and throw me in the shower if necessary
Yes - if I start saying mean things to you, throw me in a 'home'
No - don't feel guilty, cause you were a wonderful son
No - if your dad has died before me and I don't remember, then don't tell me the truth. I won't remember it anyhow
Yes - go to the doctor appts with me, cause I like to argue with drs.
No- don't have me live with you unless I can respect your space & need for privacy.
Yes - as soon as I start becoming clingy and whiny, tell me to 'buck up' & put my big girl pants on. This is life!
It will be kinda like an advance directive for when I lose my marbles so he won't have to go on a website like this looking for answers. :)
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tennessee, don't be so quick to beat up on yourself as not being the best role model. As for your siblings who may not care, it is hard, no doubt, but it is also an expectation imposed on them. Sad though it may be, they are not required to care, but it may be that they do care and simply do not have the emotional strength you have to face the circumstances you are facing with your Dad. Family, or not, I choose to not blame anyone who runs away from the enormity of caregiving. Being a caregiver requires commitment that some folks simply don't have, or simply may not have the endurance or energy. I really do understand that and can't blame anyone who backs off, though I personally don't choose to live my life that way when it comes to providing assistive care to either of my parents.
If you feel up to it and think it will help you to move forward, you may want to consider calling a family meeting with your siblings to let them know how you feel and offering them ideas of what they might consider doing to pitch in. If you do go that route, still remember that it is all about our own expectations of what another person who is a relative ought to be doing. They are free agents who may decide otherwise, which still leaves the issue of an unmet expectation- unless we choose to adjust, let go, and move on to plan b. It is hard to be primary caregiver. I understand, first hand. Sounds like you may need a break. There is nothing wrong with that. If family won't come to your aid, you may want to consider respite services? Whatever you do, celebrate that you are doing your very best. Don't bash yourself, ok?
Hap
If not,i don't se a problem