What can I do to change the way my mother acts?

Dear maz, short answer is you can't. No one can change the way someone else acts. We can change how we act or how we respond/feel when someone else acts. I have caregiver duties for a high-functioning autistic son. He doesn't honestly know when some of the ways he acts or speaks hurt others due to the disorder. My 73 year old mother has a codependent personality coupled with narcissistic tendencies and doesn't always admit/recognize her behaviors. My best advice is to set your limits and consequences for behaviors you find unacceptable. Communicate politely what they are. If they are cognitively able to remember, repeat. It takes at least 15-20 repetitions to get people to process information. And you have to change your behavior/response to their unacceptable behavior too. In the absence of specifics, that's my best advice. And give yourself a hug for me. Helen