My husband and I recently moved in with his 76 year-old father to care for him. He has copd, but thinks he has asbestos; he chews tobacco and has spit containers; he hacks and coughs constantly, and he has not bathed in over five years and he drinks everyday. I suspect he is an alcholic and master manipulator, but says he cannot live alone. I cannot get my husband to address these issues. I have quit my job to care for him, and am beginning to resent him. I believe he is able to do a lot more than he says he can. I do believe he needs assistance, but I cannot deal with his disgusting habits any longer.
Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks
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I realise that I have to take power of my choices, and if no one likes it, so be it.
I honestly don't see my husband leaving this situation anytime soon, as he doesn't have an issue with the drinking ( he drinks too, and it has increased a lot in the past 7 months).....so maybe this is a blessing in disguise.....maybe looking at the old man, will be my husband in 20 years.
I don't think I am asking for much, but without the support of the family, I am fighting a no win battle.
Thanks a lot gagak.
I do hope you can find a resolution this situation---soon!
I am new to this site and it has been most helpful, esp., the feelings of guilt.
My husband did address the bathing issue to my FIL, and his response was, that since he has well water, he cannot tolerate the smell ( it is not bad at all).
I am now feeling as if I am going to explode. On top of my FIL, my sister-in-law, lives with us, and does not help with anything. She has mental problems, but is honestly just plain LAZY!
I am going back to work soon, God willing. The alcohlism is never discussed. The coughing, hacking and spitting tobacco, is past the point of disgusting. The old man wonders and complains why he feels bad all the time. He is malnurished, and only will eat a small bowl of cereal in the morning, loaded with sugar and moonpies for lunch and then starts drinking by 5 pm. I do offer to ccok a hot breakfast and lunch, but most of the time he declines. He usually eats dinner at 8 or 9 pm, after consuming rot-gut whiskey and mountain dew all night. I cook very health meals most of the time, and do not fry anything, and he complains that he needs grease in his system.
My husband has been very good about most things, but we are limited to what we can do.
I am sad to say this, but I do not see myself here next year. I feel as if I have lost who I am, as a person.
There is more going on in this family than my FIL's old age.
I am honestly in REDNECK hell!!!!
Thanks for listening and letting me vent.
My question is, how does one's marriage survive thsi type of turmoil?
The old man is everything you think he is. Says he can't live alone, yet smells like he wants to be. I just finished eating, and my stomach is beginning to turn from trying to picture -- and smelling -- what you're going through. ... I'm going to barf any second now.
It's HIS father, so your husband either pick up his b__s from the side of the road and help out or you're going to reclaim your life by going back to work where you can actually breathe. Stand your ground my sister. He might resort to emotional blackmail rather than help Dad remember what a little soap and water feel like.
Keep us posted.
You need to be careful that he receives the care that he should have or you might put yourself in danger. You could also call adult protective services and request a social work evaluation.
You can't do this on your own. Utilize all the realizes available to you. You might start by calling your local Area Agency on Aging.
Best wishes,
Shelley