Mom is 77 and beginning to get forgetful and verbally abusive...also swearing. Anyone have insight?

Get her to a neurologist that specializes in dementia. They will give her some great tests that will dictate where she is at. Hopefully you get a good one.

My mother is almost 86 - very forgetful, muddled and verbally aggressive - she's been like this for 10 years. She lives on her own, hates it but refuses to move. My sister and I have got to the stage where we dread spending time with her, all she does is be nasty about her friends and generally negative. She makes frequent visits to her gp and moans that they don't know what they're doing. I feel strongly tempted to give up listening to her complaints, I'm juggling 4 generations - she's the hardest work :(

My brother is only 53. He has just started to get really angry for no reason. He would say some really abusive things. I would ask him about it and he would deny ever saying the verbally abusive things. The problem is that he said the things in e mails, so I could easily pull them up and show them to him. When I do he never responds to them. I worry about him. I think it would be best if I did not remind him and let it go. I do not think I am helping him this way by trying to remind him.

PS...just to be clear ...i have talked to my brothers...but after talking with her..they see nothing wrong..but it will eventually get worse...im out of a job...cared for her sister for a year before she passed away from COPD 2 yrs ago..i was burned out an just getting back on my feet from that when this happened...thanks everyone for letting me share..

thank you for your comments...im glad to know that im not alone...i live with her and see the signs and the forgetfulness..when she is talking to my brothers she is sane and calm and they dont believe me when i tell them things...she accuses me of taking her things, she has forgotten to turn off the stove...just walked off and left it on..she is a totally different person than she was ten yrs ago..i think she knows whats wrong but wont admit it...we fuss every day becasue she has to be right and im wrong...so glad i found this site...one more thing...my dad left yrs ago for a woman my age and i think that also had a lot to do with the present situation...love to all..

This sounds like my situation about 2 yrs ago. Mom has vascular dementia and is not 89. She has since lost her speech. She attends a memory clinic and takes Risperidon which calms her. Sometimes too relaxed at night and wets the bed. I have also made peace with siblings (brothers) that are not interested in assisting and have moved on and have put things in place to give myself a break now and again. You need to care for your self!

What does she mean " it's my business?" Sounds like something is bothering her. A memory from the past and it's confusing her. Suggest an appointment with a geriatric psychiatrist. Maybe even talk therapy at this point with a female psychologist--or a trusted girlfriend. You never know what she has experienced that no one knows about. When my Mother was still speaking she revealed some really weird stuff from her early years that I am positive she never revealed to anyone in her life. Purging of the brain. Talk to your brothers, too:) what's stopping you from that?!

RonJess, why CAN'T you talk to your brothers about this? I don't understand why it HAS to be only you. That is a slippery slope you're on if you don't have both physical and mental backup from other family members.

Is she living with you? If so, you must insist that she see a doctor and then, go from there. What are her plans for her long term care? Does she have health insurance?

It sounds like Alzheimer's. My grandmother lives with us and has it and she not only can't remember anything, she is verbally and physically abusive. It isn't her fault and one day she'll go beyond that.

I am sure that a lot of us have a similar problem. In my case it is an 83 year old wife. However, in our case there is no verbal abuse or swearing. Is it possible that she has had people around her treat her with impatience? My wife gets impatient with herself but does not get abusive nor does she blame others for her problem. Be sure she knows you will always be there for her. That she can count on your memory to help her.

You must get the book : Who is this man? by Edna Edes. It is on Amazon. It is exactly what our family went through and I am sure this will help you will many questions that will arise.

Well, it ceases to be "her business" when it impacts you three siblings negatively. What you are describing could be the beginnings of dementia and she needs to get into a neurologist to get an accurate diagnosis. This is one time adult children can "lie" to their parents. Tell her the doctor just wants to check on how well she is doing. Welcome to the dementia caregiving world.

She probably needs the right meds to help her moods and keep the meanies away. Elders can turn mean and it will take a bit for it to be reversed. But this does look like the turning point in her life where she needs daily help. The longer it goes ,the more it takes to adjust to the new lifestyle. Get POA and get the ball rolling. More than likely your brothers know but are waiting for another to take that step.

Yes. Buy a one-way ticket to a foreign country and come back in about ten years. You are about to get stuck in a ride to hell with no escape. Get out now.

My Mom has some dementia.... at times she gets really angry with me. I am her primary caregiver. She will tell me that I am mean and honestly I am not. I usually just say Mom I am trying to help you. It is difficult, she can change quickly. The thing that is interestingto me is she gets so upset about the things she see on TV. I have even thought of unplugging the TV but I haven't...Risperdal is another medication that can also be helpful, take care

It's a tough one.

I took care of my Alzheimer's Mother for 10 years, 24/7. I know what you are talking about...heard it often from my Mother, and the swearing. Some days ok, but it was progressing. I found the same issues in trying to talk with my brother and his wife, who lived some 700 miles away. They couldn't deal with it, and became even more remote. You feel like you are on an island.

I found that anti-anxiety drugs, Ativan ( mildest for the elderly) worked to calm her down. It's not your Mother's fault as things are beginning to spin around in her mind. As tough as it may be, an adverse reaction to her words only heightens the problem. Don't take anything personally. She is becoming more confused, disoriented and is reacting/reaching out. I know it's difficult to accept and hear harsh words, and is a drain for you emotionally. Accept her statements, and do the best you can to change the subject matter or venue. She is likely not feeling safe or feels threatened. It's not her fault. Reinforce that you love her. "I love you" is the best medication and reinforces her safety, albeit perhaps temporarily. It takes a lot of patience.

My Mother started to display this behavior and talk about five to six years or so before she passed away. It was a continual problem to discover what worked and what didn't in terms of calming medications. It takes time and great patience. Your Mother is in perhaps the early stages. Know that you are not alone in this journey.

Not knowing whether you are caretaking in the same house or your Mother is living on her own would help in telling you what worked and didn't work for me. I experienced just about everything under the sun. It was exhausting, but I'd do it all over again. I am writing a book on my experience, and have developed a DVD. I am working on a website. My Mother passed late last year. Mark



Be careful not to use medications on a trail and error basis that may likely make things worse, as I often experienced.