Mother is 91 living in a very nice assisted living facility. She will not cooperate with staff refusing am and pm cares, twice weekly showers and refuses dining room meals wanting her meals delivered at an additonal 20$ per day.
She sits in her nightie and robe all day rummaging through old cards and letters.
The staff is frustrated with her since she stalls and takes up a great deal of their time. She has gotten obstinate and tries to convince us she is taking showers and going along with the program. She was just released from the hospital on Sunday with cellulitis and leg swelling. We had a stern talking to with her and advised her the next step will be a nursing home. She promised to allow ADL's, get dressed and at a minimum go to lunch in the dining room. Well, she cooperated on Monday and today she refused. Mom does have mild/moderate memory/dementia issues but has it together enough to know what need to happen. Really, we can hardly handle the calls from AL and have guilt and sadness that she is letting her hygiene go. Please advise us. We are at a loss.
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If she continues to refuse, stay away for awhile and maybe she will be acquiesce. Tell the AL that you no longer want them to call you regarding mom unless it is an emergency. If they have a visiting nurse or house dr, see if he will visit your mom and make it drs orders that she bath, etc. maybe convince her taking care of herself will keep her out of a nursing home.
Good luck.
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If someone told me, "You have to do x, y, and z or else you will need a nursing home" you can bet that I would do x, y, and z. That your mom doesn't seem to care that there are consequences to her non-compliance tells me that she may not be able to completely reason on her own.
As I'm sure you've discovered, it's nearly impossible to get an elderly person to do something they don't want to do. You've talked to your mom, professionals have spoken to her, I'm sure the AL has thrown in their two cents....still she is unwilling (or maybe unable) to care for her most basic needs.
It might be the right time to start touring some nursing homes.