My Dad recently passed away and now my Mom who has mild/moderate vascular dementia is left alone. Should someone be living with her?

I'm with my mother every day and actually have been for the last year while my father was sick. She is actually better now than before because she doesn't have the added stress of worrying about him. I am her POA and take care of all her bills etc. We are installing an alarm system and intercom system with cameras. My granddaughter spends the night with her sometimes, and we are always available if she wants us to. She has a best friend that she walks with once or even twice a day when the weather is nice who just lives 3 houses down. She's also doing some renovation to the house with my husband's and my help that she and dad wanted to do before he passed. She cleans and cooks and keeps busy, and someone is there every day so I'm just trying to help her stay in the home she loves as long as safely possible. Any advice on alarm and monitoring systems would be greatly appreciated.

We had a similar situation here. The daughter had to sprint 300 yards and pull both parents out of a smoke filled home. There was a fire in a bedroom and they did not know what to do. They called a son 300 miles away instead of the daughter. The house was a total loss.

A person with dementia really should not be living alone beyond the very mild early stage. The fact that she has two adult children very nearby may extend that a bit for your mother. Her doctor can help you decide when she should no longer live alone. Are both of you on the HIPAA waiver at her clinic? If not she can easily sign a form giving permission for her doctors to talk to you. This would be a helpful thing to do while she can understand the concept. Also, does someone have POA for medical and legal matters?

The time will come when she cannot safely live alone. You and your brother (and perhaps your mother if she is not in denial) should begin planning for that now.

Don't rush things. Essentially, both you and your brother are right there on the spot; and vascular dementia - although oh boy is it a problem! - doesn't spring the same behavioural surprises that you get with Alzheimer's Disease. Short term, can you persuade her to have a call button and alarm system installed? And could you and your brother take turns to drop in last thing at night and make sure the house is secure?

And then, yes, medium to long term she won't be able to live alone; or indeed - not that I mean to depress you - to be alone for more than short periods. But in these very early days, and I'm sorry for your and your family's loss, give her a little time to adjust.

Vascular dementia seems usually to be caused by other disease, though - does your mother have other health conditions that could put her at risk?

My mom lived on her own for 20 years after my dad died. When I moved home temporarily to help her get over a bout of sciatica I realized she should not be living alone. Looking back I wish we would have helped her overcome her fears and insisted she move after my dad died, at least to a nice seniors apt. She later agreed that the greater availability of services and opportunities for social interaction would have been good for her.

What has her doctor said or has she seen the doctor since your dad passed away.
Sorry your dad died recently.

My hunch it that it is not good for her to be left alone. She might think she's fine, but the question is "Is she really fine" or just saying that in denial of her decline?