How do we tell Mom she is not going back home?

Sue, I agree with Pam above, you need to think ahead as right now you might think you would be able to take care of your Mom.... said Dementia has different stages where you will be caring for your Mom 168 hours per week... that will be exhausting work that no one person can do.

You will need to start lining up caregivers to come to work first shift and second shift, with you taking third shift [or one of the other shifts with someone else taking the night shift]. Plus moving a person from one residence to another residence will accelerate the dementia :(

Sue do NOT move her in with you if she is this bad. You will have to be with her 24/7, she cannot be left alone at all at this stage of the game. Get her to Assisted Living if you can. This assignment can kill you.

My mom thinks she is coming to live w me when I retire. I don't plan to retire as long as she is alive. Just keep lying to her.

I think in the earlier stages of dementia it's best to honest. Telling her you want her to be safe. Fair warning! She will be asking, "When can I go home?" My mom asks this all the time. We have tried everything from saying we'll talk about it later to telling her she needs too much help to live in her house. The problem is no matter what we say she insists she can take care of herself (and she needs help with everything but doesn't realize it.). Now we just empathize and tell her we wish she could go home but the doctor says she has to have full time care. Having someone in authority like a pastor or doctor to tell her helped us. No matter what you say it's heartbreaking. Best of luck.

Telling her that you want her to stay with you as you miss her being so far away. Just say you are going to TRY this for a little while then it does not SOUND like it is final. Also there is Respite Care in Assisted Living Facilities that offer a room already with furniture like if you were going out of town or tell her you were going out of town and were going to try that for a few days. Going to try are big words in the senior world. I hope that you already have Power of Attorney for her. The Assisted Living Facilities also have day programs too. If she tries to leave your home during the night put locks high on the doors so she cannot reach them and you are able to get a good night sleep.

The first step might be to get her to a doctor, who has been briefed in advance. He can evaluate her mental condition and talk to her about the necessity to be with family full-time. Then your family should meet as a group with mo and let her know you have her best interests at heart and explain the reasons for your decision. She may put up stiff resistance but you may be surprised. You may find she has been waiting for someone to take over in helping her make decisions. Good luck.