He is causing problems and doing things against my decisions as mom's POA. My mom is 80 yrs old and in a nursing home due to her failing physcial health (she had a stroke). I am her POA. She squandered all of her money and has $12,000 of credit cards bills that I have no funds of hers to pay, it has been a hassle to pay the nursing home each month, until we can get her on title 19. She and my stepdad got divorced to save his farm from title 19 which we will apply for later this month. They each lost their previous spouses years ago, he owns a farm and they had a pre-nup in place when they married 10 years ago, however our attorney said pre-nup means nothing in Iowa when it comes to nursing homes. My mother can be a real bitch and by god things are her way or the highway. My ex-stepdad and mom have decided that I cannot have her personal property that sits in HIS house. I have told them they are divorced and he has no right to possess her items. There is nothing there of extreme value, but sentimental things I would like to preserve, but neither of them will hear of it. Step dad has also done some stupid things (with mom's blessing) that have left a mess for me as POA to clean up. I am very stressed and tired of their BS. With both of them fighting me about taking care of her affairs I am about to scream!
What to do with an 84 yr old ex-stepfather that is a hoarder (you should see the living conditions) and mom with her "I am still in charge" atttitude that limits me of my POA duties. Today I found out he withdrew money from her checking account (with mom's permission) to get cash out for mom that she wanted to get her hair done and things she wanted at the nursing home.......he did this without asking me first. (I have full control of her checking account and pay her bills each month) I am talking to the bank tomorrow and telling them his no longer an authorized signature on her account. Being divorced and me as the POA he should not have the right do that correct? Can he do that if mom told him to do it? Does what mom says override my POA authority? She is of sound mind to a point to make decisions, she has no dementia, but she is terrible and wreckless about handling her financial affairs.
Please help I am at my wits end with both of them !
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Please remove this BS from our forum. It appears that gloryfred12345 has posted this message on five or six different postings.
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Get yourself a support group (besides us here) and an attorney (just in case they - nursing home comes after you for her care) and maybe a councilor too.
Remind your sister to pay off her debt and call it a day. it will be hard at first but it sounds like you are already distancing yourself...
You will be ok...and mom will make her own choices and have to live with them.
Hugs to you! And strength
As long as your mother is of sound mind, then no matter how crassly stupid her financial decisions your POA is useless. You cannot act against her wishes: so, for example, you have absolutely no authority to tell the bank not to accept your stepfather's signature, particularly since he is acting on her instructions.
Glimmer of good news if you'll take it: no power, no responsibility. If your mother will not allow you to act in her best interests you are at full moral liberty to resign your POA and let the two of them go hang together.
It is extremely frustrating to watch someone we love making self-destructive decisions. We want them to eat right, and exercise, and bathe often, and spend their money wisely. Sigh. Unless they are incompetent they have the fundamental right to make their own mistakes.
If your mother wants her personal possessions in her ex-husband's house, that is her decision to make. If they consider themselves divorced "on paper only" they certainly can continue to behave as a married couple.
If all of this is too painful for you, perhaps you should consider resigning from the POA role.