My mother-in-law (86) can no longer pay her own bills. I've taken over making them online, no legal representation. What do I need?

hv, have you been able to get things squared away? and igloo, yes, when dad first took me in and took mom's name off their checking account after she passed away and put mine on and then wanted to do the same with their CD, checking was no problem but they hedged big time on the CD, looking back think because they didn't know me, didn't have an account there and hadn't been on dad's account before, now hadn't thought about all that when I finally got it done through somebody else, just thought it was because it was somebody different that just had a different attitude about the whole thing but the time frame could have been a factor; by then I'd been on his account a while so maybe they could check a history and see that I hadn't done anything so then was no problem to get, well, actually at that point, it was presenting the POA; it was a smaller community bank as well, actually one of the original banks in town, but the interesting part there is they're big enough now, though, that they had bought the bank where they'd had their account that they'd moved it to, from this bank where they'd had their original account - not sure why - , when it was still just a savings and loan and had been bought by this other bank so we just made a big circle so possible they even remembered me from way back when I'd go in there with them growing up. But, yes, we never got to the point of having to deal with Medicaid; hadn't thought about that, but probably right, probably have to show ID, wonder how my friend dealt with that with her mom; don't believe she was still driving at that point. Guess we did have it simple because we didn't have to deal with any of that stuff and when it came down to what could have been a DPOA issue, they just dealt with me as next of kin and no issue; I just told them what dad had told me he wanted and it was no big deal; might have been because at that point was what they wanted to do anyway but whatever, no issue.
Interesting, though, about the photo; nothing like that either, wonder if it was because the funeral home knew him; he was in the local Honor Guard, though hadn't been in a while, certainly not in the last year of his life, but maybe he hadn't changed that much, that they could still tell who he was.

Yes, it was because I was dealing with a bank. (Nevada State).
You have all been very. Helpful.. Thank you!

Yes, it was because I was dealing with a bank. (Nevada State).
You have all been very. Helpful.. Thank you!

Deb - a lot of this is kinda gonna depend on the situation. What I've found in this mice maze of elderly dealings is that there is never 1 answer even if you ask the ? the same day twice.

The banks are especially notorious in not accepting POA if not done just right and in not allowing family to cash or write a check or do on-line banking IF they get a whiff that the elderly account owner is not doing it themselves. I was lucky in that for my mom, her bank is a smaller community bank that also had a trust department so some degree of expertise in elderly $ issues AND I was a signature & POD on her account of long standing AND I myself had an account at the bank. They were good about stuff. But the big banking groups - Bank of America, Chase, Citi -are oh so difficult to deal with and seem to do the nuclear option of freezing an account rather than deal with POA's. Most elderly accounts are tiny, with just their SS & maybe a retirement, a couple of low value CD's etc. going through it so not a $$ maker & so not ever a priority no matter what sunshine&lollipops are on their advertising.

As far as they needing an ID, my mom;'s Medicaid application required ID and also citizenship validity. Mom actually had her original naturalization paperwork so good there. But that is a beast to try to get nowadays. Now I did take her to TXDOT to get her DL changed to a forever ID and they were good about it and basically I went over the day before and got the paperwork and spoke with intake so mom had a speed-pass and a place to sit the next day (after early morning beauty shoppe!). Everybody could not have been nicer... she was everybody's grannie or auntie but I had cleared the path so to speak.

If your parent is living at your home, has no assets, owns zero, and never needs to deal with Medicaid or SSA or retirement / insurance companies, or do any significant banking, has a fully paid up funeral & burial, then you probably can do without legal. But something is gonna come up and you need a DPOA and like need it yesterday. Then what?

You know when mom died, I had to email the FH a current photo of her in order for them to process the body. Current too, not the nice 1970's obit notice photo or her forever state ID, but one in how she looked the last year of her life. Have no idea how common this requirement is now done. Caught me by surprise.

My mother has to use her non-driver state ID anytime she goes to a new doctor. They ask to get copies of her insurance cards and her ID. I think that is pretty standard now. When we went to get the ID, we had to bring her birth certificate and marriage license. I'm sure this was to check the name change. That is probably why HotVegas's mother is having trouble. There are no papers showing the change to the common law's husband name.

Life would be easier if women just kept their maiden names, wouldn't it?

igloo, may be right, which leads to why does she need ID anyway; my dad's license expired and he never got one; is it for the POA, which, again, is that really such an issue; my dad signed one - after, I might add, getting the letter from the doctor saying he had dementia - but that was never questioned, either regarding him having dementia and/or therefore his right - mine? - ability? to execute it; they just accepted it when I took it in there

Glad, you made some good observations about the state of any dementia affecting the ability to execute legal documents. I stand corrected - and thanks for the clarification - sometimes it's easy to make arbitrary assumptions.

Deb - bet its because it expired. Really dealing with expired items now has layers to reestablish validity. thank you homeland security.

Hot - really as others have said, you need to do all this ASAP with mil. Can mil "showdog" - most elderly can in the early stages of dementia still be quite competent & cognitive for a couple of hours. If so, I'd try to go over several times what needs to be done, have mil do a beauty shoppe visit/dress nice & see legal at whatever time of the day mil is most high functioning. You want to try to do the dpoa & MPOA & update will ASAP. Otherwise you will have to go guardianship route which is expensive and with court hearings & reporting.

None if this is simple. You are already ahead by knowing & managing her bills & debt. What seems to happen is that something happens that becomes the tipping point downhill for them becoming end stage dementia. Try to be prepared & get a binder going on all her finances, deed & tax assessor statements, her awards letters & w2 from SSA and any other sources of income. Mil may never need to enter a NH or apply for Medicaid, but if she does having started a binder on all things mom will save your sanity.

I'm not sure how advanced her dementia is, but if she is still competent enough, she may still be able to sign a Durable POA and Healthcare POA, giving you the power to take care of her affairs. I would not delay. These documents are vital. You can still pay her bills without them, but with dementia, things will progress and there are so many things that will need to attended to.

Also, be aware of the enormous responsibility of taking on these duties. It's a full time job, even if she is in a facility.

I don't understand why, if she had a driver's license, the DMV can't just transfer that over to an ID; never heard of having to go back and get all that info, didn't have to have it for the license?

Just because she has been diagnosed with dementia does not mean she cannot have POA's prepared and executed. It depends on how advanced her dementia is. Does she understand what a POA is for? Would she trust just about anyone to do the work of the POA? If so, then she is probably not competent to take care if those documents now.

If there is not POA in place, the only option may be guardianship and conservatorship. See an elder law attorney with her. They should be able to determine whether the POA is understandable by her.

So what do I do now? Is it too late to do anything?

No, marriage license does not have your social security number on them.

Unfortunately, if she's already been diagnosed with dementia, she's legally not capable of executing POAs.

How are you paying her bills? Are you jointly named on her checking account?

Yes, you need the POAs. You can pay the bills without it, but conducting most business dealings, e.g. taxes, bank withdrawals, and other things will need a financial POA. To make medical decisions if she becomes incapacitated requires the heathcare POA (or proxy).

It's unfortunate you didn't use her maiden name to marry Hannon. That would have made it easier. Do the marriage licenses have the SSN on them? I have never checked mine to see.