She gets very anxious. I wish that my cousin and her dad would "see the light" that traveling makes my aunt much much worse. She barricaded herself in the hotel room (earlier this year, during a 3 day, close to home trip.) My uncle and cousin and in denial to a point, and my cousin can not afford this week long vacation without her dad paying. I have tried many times to explain that this idea is not fair to my aunt and bordering on abuse, but what can I do? My uncle wants to spend time with his 6 yr old grandson, but the "cost" to my aunt seems extreme. Is there a way to contact a social worker, quietly?
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Is the plan for Aunt (who has dementia), her husband, her daughter, and daughter's 6-yo son to go on a cruise together?
If Aunt has stress over traveling, why don't Uncle, Daughter, and Grandson go on a cruise together, and with the money they save by not buying Aunt a cruise ticket, pay for good respite care for her?
Have they discussed their planned trip with her doctor?
My husband and I took two cruises while he had dementia. Many caregivers in my support group have traveled with their demented loved ones -- a few months ago one traveled to Europe (they had other adult family members along who helped with the care.) But it is a highly individual decision. Not everyone who has dementia has to refrain from traveling, but not everyone with dementia can handle it, either.
I don't know what you can do, other than discuss it with your uncle, and raise the option of at-home respite care for Aunt.
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Besides it's obviously NOT a pleasure trip for her. And won't be for anyone else if some unfortunate incident happens. The idea of offering to stay with her, at her home, while your uncle and his grandson have a trip together would be a wonderful thing, and incredibly generous, IF it would fit into your life, and if you are capable of being the caregiver for the week.
Good luck.
Why doesn't the cousin just go alone? It really isn't fair to drag your aunt along with them. I think they really are in denial.
I hesitate to state this but it's the first thing I thought of: confusion and disorientation so intense she tries to escape, through or over the railing. Or as she did before, barricades herself in a room....any room perhaps, and no one knows where she has wandered.
If you're involved at with her care, a call from one of her doctors might help your cousin and uncle realize this is a very, very bad idea.
I worked for cruise line in their corporate office for over 3 years. I can tell you it was not uncommon to have people taken off a ship due to unruly behavior and barred from returning. Sometimes the cruise line picked up the airfare and sent them home, sometimes they just kicked them off.
In this case they could tell them to disembark and pay the airfare.
One poster said tell the cruise line and they will pay extra attention, that's not how it works. These cruises ships are floating cities with several thousand passengers, they don't have the time to babysit the aunt.
It's not like a flight attendant paying extra attention to a minor child flying alone.
They will not take this risk on a ship.
This is a bad idea, and if the aunt attacks someone the family is liable. They could be looking at being sued and also being booted off the ship.
This is not a case for anonymous reporting. Reporting what? Do you have access to your aunt's medical records? Do you see her every day, and care for her full-time? Think it through. You ring the cruise manager. And you tell that person… that you know of a party which includes a lady who may not be able to enjoy the tour, and who may pose a danger to herself or other people. How are you going to back up this statement? With what evidence?
Clearly you are losing a lot of sleep over this issue. So constructive suggestions:
1. Call APS and see what they think.
2. If you know your aunt's doctor's contact details, call his office and report that this proposed trip has come to your attention and you wonder if he has been asked to sign off on the travel insurance. Obviously the doctor can't discuss your aunt with you, but if he is seriously concerned there's nothing to stop him raising the issue with his patient - "oh Mrs X, I hear you're going on a little trip…" kind of thing.
And if he's not remotely concerned, then perhaps neither should you be.
When you say your cousin tends to overreact, I'm not sure what you mean. You say you're very close to her and don't want to cause a rift, but how does that sit with wanting to cancel her travel plans and overrule her own assessment of what's good for her mother?
In a close relationship, one person can say candidly to another what is on her mind and expect to be listened to with respect. If you can't do that, you don't have a close relationship.
If they are considering taking her on a cruise I would be questioning all choices they make concerning your Aunts care..
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