How do I deal with my mom (86) who is passive aggressive and has early dementia?

You all are right. So good to hear. Thanks from my heart!

You can do it, minapane!

Mina, you dont HAVE TO do anything. If she needs help, help her to hire help. If she needs a facility, find her a nice one.

I agree with all that Eyerish says!

I am just looking for help. That is all. So just change the subject to something pleasant or functional, right? Or if it keeps going, just sort of leave the room, or maybe think of an errand to run. I can do that. She leaves lots of notes with the same kind of stuff. I can just remove them from where she left them. But not necessarily read them, so they dont stick to me. I have a very stressful 10 hr a day job in investment banking, so I do get a break, I just wont retire. That will help too. I appreciate your insight. She just makes me feel small and heavy, like I cant breathe, and I am always wrong and I make her a victim, and I abuse her if I dont agree. Now I have a plan to try. Thanks and blessings.

Don't react or disagree. It takes 2 people to have a fight. Opt not to participate. Set some boundaries. If she loves to bait you don't take the bait. It's going to be difficult but if you engage with her in her petty, passive aggressive behavior you'll get sucked in again and round and round it goes. You are responsible for your own behavior. You can't control your mom's behavior. Walk away, leave the room (not in a huff either), ignore her and ask what she'd like for dinner (or some other "go-to" question that's not loaded). You have the control over how you deal with your mom.