Cancer diagnosis, any advice?

Oh my gosh, Sendhelp, that is unbelievable!!! I definitely will encourage him to do that. thank you for sharing. I'm not counting on it, but wouldn't it be so wonderful if this were all a horrible mistake!

After receiving the Ca diagnosis, stopping all tests and treatments, signing dnr, and legal paperwork, getting ready to die, being sent away....
My elder loved one does not have Ca of the lung.

So get a second opinion.

SuzeeQ, your Dad's reaction, "Well, at my age, there's going to be something," reminds me of what my mother said to her geriatrician: "I'm going to die of something. If it is going to be cancer, so be it."

This post was not about what treatment option to consider, Hospicesucks. It was about breaking the news. suzeeQ took advice and it worked out. I assume that after they see the oncologist if she wants advice about treatment options she will post again.

Hospicesucks, if these 100 natural ways to cure cancer were really true, it would be making front page headlines world wide.

Now, medical science is coming up with a vaccine to wipe out certain cancer tumors. The vaccine will be starting soon in the human trial studies.

I will. Might've been simple, but it meant a lot.

Suzie, I'm so glad it went well, and glad that the script helped.

I was simply passing forward a gift from the past, where I was given scripts. Pass one on in the future, please. They are not hard to do for otbers!

After days of feeling nauseous, I told my dad this evening about his cancer diagnosis. @BarbBrooklyn, I memorized your lines like an actor. "Dad; I talked to Dr. Z today and they got the results back from your tests. You have some abnormal cells growing in your lungs. The cells are cancerous, and the good news is that they are growing very slowly. We' re going to visit a specialist doctor tomorrow (next week) to see what they recommend". It made my normally tongue tied self so much more confident and feeling in charge. THANK YOU!!! That, along with the advice from everyone else here, and additional information from the doctors, I felt it went as well as possible. My dad's reaction was, 'Well, at my age, there's going to be something. Do you like my new socks I ordered from LLBean?' We then sat down, had a lovely dinner, and discussed everything under the sun, but cancer. Thank you ALL. You made a dreadful task more manageable (for lack of a better word). Of course, dealing with the diagnosis is the main issue, but having to deliver the news was a tough thing to face.

His GP recommended an oncologist who specializes in hospice & palliative care. When I spoke with the GP he didn't sound like he was giving up, but also was realistic in mentioning that dialysis patients lives are already shortened due to the stress of dialysis. He said though that he never makes predictions as to life expectancy, which I think is very wise. My dads aware that we were supposed to get results in 3-5 days & we're on day 4. His birthday party is this weekend. On one hand I think he'd want to know. On the other hand I just want him to have a nice time at his party. The dr called me with the news on his birthday (ugh!). 

I mention the xmas gift incident as an example of his inability to prioritize in some areas.

I think BarbBrooklyn has made a good suggestion as to how to go about it. He may take the news better than you expect. As Treeartist says, a lot depends on the type of cancer, your father's age, and many other factors as to what sort of treatment is appropriate. When my mother was diagnosed, her doctors advised her to start hospice and get palliative care. They did not think treating the cancer was in her best interest. She accepted their recommendation much more calmly than I did. Her only question was "How will I die?" Hospice was a huge help to her and to us, and I think her final weeks were about as good as they could have been for all of us.

I'm not saying this will be the case for your father. His whole situation and prognosis may be quite different. I'm just saying that sometimes people accept sad facts more easily than we might expect. I hope things go well for you.

Honestly, your kindness brings me to tears. My dad is 85, and for the most part has fairly sharp mental acuity. He does have a hard time figuring out tips, gave everyone but me a xmas present (which is oretty ironic as he's been largely ignored by the rest of the family until a few weeks ago...I'm not complaining, it's been a gift to have him in my life. Prior to being ill, he was a pretty busy guy & I didn't see him much). Historically, he has infuriated me, but after the last couple of years, I finally feel like I have a dad. I'm sorry I'm rambling but am too pooped to edit. He'll need help with the treatment options, to be sure. I doubt he'd be a candidate for surgery. He's on dialysis but has exceeded everyone's expectations in that he's still fairly active. Goes out to dinner, always well dressed and clean cut, keeps up with news, etc. Lives in his home with 24/7 care. Does not drive, cook, etc.

You’re right. Sometimes the best part of some days is getting into bed with the covers over your head. What jumped out at me was that this is a slow growing cancer. How old is your father? I have read many times on this site the suggestion to read Being Mortal. I am not as enamored of this book as others, but I recall the author, who is a doctor, describing an elderly man with a slow growing cancer who underwent treatment and suffered terribly. The doctor felt that the man would have died of old age before the cancer grew large enough to cause problems. Treatment is not always the best option. This, of course, would depend on your father - his age, ability to undergo treatment, recovery chances, etc.
My son-in-law’s grandmother was diagnosed with a fast growing, inoperable cancer (I can’t remember what kind), and within 6 months she was gone. During those 6 months she elected to have treatment which made her very sick and was hospitalized several times from the side effects. I don’t know if her last months would have been better if she had decided not to get treatment.
Several very good suggestions have already been given to you about how to tell him. Does he have the mental capacity to understand and weigh treatment options?
I pray that you sleep well tonight. Years ago I read in a morning devotional something I have never forgotten: The best bridge betwee hope and despair is often a good night’s sleep. Hugs to you.

Thank you so much for your answers. this life of care taking is lonely business. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kindness. Normally my dad would be the one to go to for some sage advice. It's obviously not the time to fall down but at the moment I feel paralyzed & like I want to fall into bed & pull the covers over my head until all of the sickness and sadness goes away.

"Dad; I talked to Dr. Z today and they got the results back from your tests. You have some abnormal cells growing in your lungs. The cells are cancerous, and the good news is that they are growing very slowly. We' re going to visit a specialist doctor tomorrow to see what they recommend".

Depending upon your dad's cognitive skills AND his level of anxiety about things in general, I'd wait to tell him all this until the day before the appointment. Maybe even the morning of the appointment. YOU are the best judge of how your father deals with this kind of news. If he is the kind of person who gets agitated, or if he's going to ask you a million questions that YOU don't have answers to, delay telling him until the day of the appointment.

However, if your dad still mostly has his cognitive skills, likes to research on the internet and such, tell him in advance so that he can have HIS questions ready for the doc.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. Not easy. I don’t understand why you can’t see the GP “because it’s already been a few days” though. If this doctor has a talent for things like this, you and Dad really should go in to see him before you go to the Oncologist. It might make Dad feel more prepared and confident if you see the GP first. From what I remember when hubby had Aphasia, he knew exactly what was going on, it just wouldn’t travel from his brain to his mouth. Good luck. Keep us updated. Hugs!

Thanks BarbBrooklyn. His doctor (not his gen practitioner) called me since I take all of his medical calls due to his aphasia. So, that leaves me as the bearer of bad tidings. I called his gen practitioner to discuss it with him, and his approach to it even made ME feel better. He's great at this. I really wish he'd tell him. But i don't think it's possible as it's already been a few days & ive lined up an appt with an oncologist next week. I don't think I can get him into see the gen practitioner before then. Otherwise, he'd have to tell him over the phone, and I don't think that's right either. What's the best way to tell someone they have cancer?

What is it you dread telling him? That he has cancer? Not your job, that is what a doctor does.

Are you needing to tell him you can't care for him any longer? That's never, ever easy, but know that no good parent wants to see their child give up their life for them. Telling my mom she could no longer stay in her home ( because of my inability to keep her safe there) was the hardest single thing I've ever done.

You are in my thoughts, dear.