Not a question, perhaps just an update-just need to talk.

I haven't been on here for a few months. My life with my husband has been very rocky to say the least.

As of December of 2017 he stopped taking all his medications and has stopped seeing his doctors. He doesn't even take a baby aspirin nor does he see his primary care doctor just to keep us updated on his condition.

He will be 84 in November. Since being off his medications (against his doctors orders) he is doing quite well physically and mentally. (I have to say that this has been amazing to me and makes me take a second look at the medical field). But because he won't even consent to see his Primary Care Doctor just to see how he is doing is harder on me than anything else, because there is no way of knowing whether he will live one more day or another 5 years.

He does get weak and over tired when he exerts himself. He has almost lost all his capabilities now of walking, but still refuses to use a wheelchair. He uses a cane and when he needs to step up on a curb he puts his hands on my shoulder and pulls himself up. He won't allow me to take his arm and help him up, he uses me as another "cane".

I turned down another offer from a Senior Citizen Apartment Building I wanted to move to, and it wasn't because I care what happens to my husband. The fact is that I can only have one pet there and I have two pets that are my children. They both are old. One is a cat who is 16 years old and her name is Lulu. And then there is Munchie, the dog, and she is going on 12.

I could never live with myself not knowing what ever happened to Munchie if I left her behind. Both animals were rescued animals so I don't know for sure their true age, they maybe older. Munchie was a baby when we got her, so I think she is around 12, but Lulu, I think she's older than what I think. So, I'm biding my time with the true souls that love me, my babies, Munchie and Lulu.

Please know that I don't give a hoot about my husband anymore. Anything I ever felt for him, whether it being sorry for him, or forgiving him, is all gone now. There is nothing left. As long as I live in the same house with him, in order to have peace, I will take care of him, as much as he allows me to do physically for him, until he dies or one of the animals pass away. I am use to being his donkey, his go fetch person, his bookkeeper, caregiver, problem solver and I don't expect any respect from him or have any false misconceptions that he cares a hoot about me or ever had.

All I know, is that I will do what I have to do to keep the only two things in this life who loves me, safe!

I thought about taking them both with me and renting an apartment. But I don't have enough in savings to last any length of time. Apartments are expensive. If only the Senior Apartments would allow 2 pets I would have been gone a long time ago. That's the only thing holding me back.

How I wish that the Senior Apartments wouldn't consider a cat being a problem. Cat's don't need to be taken outside to do their stuff. But dogs do !!! Dogs are much more hard to take care of in an apartment than a cat. If only they knew that my life really depends upon them allowing me to have a dog and a cat.

And then there is the issue, that if I left my husband today, he would have no car. We only have one car now. Even though he can't drive I'm afraid, that legally, If I left him, the law would consider me abandoning him.

Even though I know many older people with health issues who don't have a car and have to call a shuttle, how would it legally look if I deliberately left a man who is 84 years old, with cancer and multiple illnesses, but doesn't go to the doctors or takes meds and can't drive and has a form of dementia.

So, since I last wrote, I'm still in the same place, waiting for something to happen.

Thanks for listening!