I took my mother to her doctor and she said that she had concerns about her driving. She does not want her to drive and to take her keys. I also have to make sure she takes her medicine because she has been forgetting to. I am also dealing with my older brother who lives with us and he is an alcoholic and can be verbally, emotionally and physically abusive (he hit me 2 wks ago and was arrested). I am afraid he will do the same to my mother. I told her doctor all of this and it is documented. We will be receiving some intervention and counseling. Also I am setting up services in the home for my mother. I just feel like I am taking on so much it can be overwhelming. I am a full time teacher. My brother who lives with us has no job because of his issues and just cares about himself. He is selfish and drinks all day.
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Dealing with a parent with Dementia is hard enough. Throw an abusive alcoholic sibling into the home also makes the whole thing unmanageable. I hope you realize that.
If your Mom won’t go to an Al Anon meeting I suggest you go alone. I tried to go to a meeting, it was supposed to be at a Church. The site had been moved. The pastor was there and had been involved with Al Anon for years. She sat me down and talked to me for about one hour. That’s all I needed. I knew then I had to detach from my Alcoholic Sister even though she had just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
If money was taken from your account I also suggest you file a police report, file charges and contact the bank.
Your situation is more common than you might think.
This is all too much for one person to have to deal with. Get all the resources on board that you can to protect your Mom and yourself.
Would mom consider going to an Al Anon meeting? Being with other family members of alcoholics may be able to help her see that although she is trying to help him, she is actually hurting him by enabling him to continue his addiction.
Second, if you are sharing an acct with Mom you need to withdraw your money and set up a different account. If Mom ever needs Medicaid any account with her name on it will be considered hers. Keep ur name on hers so u can pay bills ect but separate your money from hers.
Third, at the time your brother was arrested you should have been able to get a tempory restraining order.
Fourth, You Mom has Dementia. She is no longer able to make informed decisions. That includes continuing to enable brother. Her saftey and yours are what is important. Her needs now outweigh what she wants. Caregiving is hard and you work on top of it. Brother has had it easy now he needs to put on his big boy pants.
The most important thing is to get your brother out of the house. He is a danger to you and your mother. Can't you picture what could happen when you are at work and the two of them are home together?
How did your brother get into your bank account?