Incontinence is a major challenge. How do you handle this?

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againx100 Asked January 2019

Incontinence is a major challenge. How do you handle this?

I always thought I would keep my parents home with me, hopefully until the end of the road. That worked with dad, since he passed after a massive stroke at only 73.

Mom, OTOH, is having lots of incontinence issues that are a bit troubling. She's only 75, but I say she's an old 75, compared to many other her age or even 5 or 10 years older. Anyhow, the day to day smell of urine is disturbing. I have had to talk to her about it and she's always a little mortified though at least somewhat grateful that I tell her so that she is at least aware that she needs to be more careful.

Last year, she had the flu (as did I, so hubby was taking care of both of us, poor thing!), and was having MAJOR incontinence of all kinds. If/when she loses control of things, I don't know if I can handle it. Without getting grossly graphic, how in the world do you handle situations like this without losing your mind (or your lunch)?

I wonder if this is a reason that a lot of people end up in a nursing home??

Adult Diapers Hygiene Incontinence

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score 0 · Answer 1

The acrid smell of urine's ammonia is indeed offputting for social occasions, even simple ones like sitting down with her to share a meal. I sympathize and agree that the "kids" in the nursing home are able to deal with lifting the weight, doing the change, administering suppositories, etc., better than 65 year old me. My dad passed swiftly of a massive heart attack and mom lingered for three years in a NH. She acclimated better than we 4 kids thought she would and made friends there; up until three months before her death, she was bedbound yet doing fairly well in the memory department.

If it's just you 24/7 at home and "kids" in shifts of three per day, logic says a NH remains at least a realistic option? It's a hard choice to make re the NH and congratulations on caring for your dad and mom for their best interests.

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score 2 · Answer 2

One of, if not THE worst parts of caregiving is incontinence. It’s gross and disgusting and taking care of it has to be done with compassion and attention to “detail”. It’s one of those things that, if you choose to keep your Loved One at home and they’re incontinent, you have to do. Some people are more sensitive to this than others. I’ve known people who gag and even vomit.

I keep my supplies at hand, so I don’t have too much time to think about the task. Gloves, basin, wipes, trash bag, barrier creams, adult briefs, etc. It makes it a little easier. And given a choice, the person you are caring for would much rather be doing it for themselves.

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May sound weird, but it feels good to have someone agree that this is one of the worst parts of eldercare. Pee stuff is pretty tolerable, though no picnic. But, lordy, I don't know if I can handle it when/if it's more than that. I think I'll be a gagger. Or worse.

I feel like I "should" be able to handle it. I mean, I have 2 kids and goodness knows you have to deal with lots of gross stuff when they're babies. But they're cute and adorable and you love them with all your heart. And they're little.

I think you have a good plan, having the emergency supplies together to make it easier. I will definitely keep that in mind for the future.

Of course, the cared for would rather not have us have to do these things for them.

I've thought maybe of a caregiver when this issue becomes part of our world, BUT it's not like mom will be on a schedule! So, that won't really solve this problem, right?

I wonder what % of the elderly become incontinent? I know a good friend, her dad had chronic diarrhea and had accidents all the time. Ugh, soooo not looking forward to this.

Anyone use booster pads to do inside pullups? I ordered some and am hoping they will help her manage the almost constant leakage. Got her a urology appt. She cancelled it. Really? Almost every time she stands up, she pees. I don't understand why she doesn't want to see if there's a physical reason, like prolapse of some sort, adding to this problem.

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score 2 · Answer 3

It's rare that when a family member considers a nursing home, the elderly parent all of a sudden improves and doesn't need that level of care anymore. It's usually the opposite where the elderly parent's health deteriorates and continues to do so until the family accepts that a nursing home would be more appropriate for care.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Yes. My mother in law’s incontinence and later catheter are the reason that she is in facility. Her husband could and would not manage that part of care.

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I thought so, as I was going through that severe bout with her when she was sick and out of it. The light bulb went - as in, oh no, if this continues, I don't think I can handle it at home!! I hope things stay at the low level they are now, cuz I would really hate to make her go to a NH. But I do recognize that that can sometimes be the only appropriate chioce.

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Incontinence is a major challenge. How do you handle this?

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