What to do when your sick brother is sheltering your mom with dementia?

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shellymf43 Asked April 2019

What to do when your sick brother is sheltering your mom with dementia?

Brother had mom change everything over to him. Does not answer phones and they live out of state. When mom moved there she sold her car because she was forgetful then now I’m finding out she has another car and is driving and he rents rooms out in the house. APS has done nothing don’t return my calls. Tell me she is very forgetful but an MD said she can drive. I cannot take on guardianship but how can I find out how she is? Nobody from the state she was from can contact them as well. It is very concerning.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Siblings

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score 2 · Answer 1

You don’t say in your post, but how is your brother “sick”? It may have been easier for him to handle your mom’s affairs if everything was in his name. And, unless he is renting rooms out to drug-addicted vagrants, the money from the rent could enable him to better care for your mom. Unless there are signs of abuse or neglect, APS may not have found anything. Who called them, you? What were your grounds if it was you?

Be prepared that if your brother gives up caring for your mother, that task may fall to you.

Helpful Answer (2)

I was her caregiver as well as my dads who died and my brother never came once through his illness or funeral . he’s collecting disability for ptsd which I don’t know how convinced her to move because I work ft have kids to raise . Then find out he is bankrupt her funds being drained and have no way of contacting her as well as anyone in my state . tried legal things lawyer recommends guardianship but cannot financially go that route . my mom can make choices but poor ones and don’t remember anything now she is on the road driving . But no one sees a problem there.

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score 2 · Answer 2

If APS is aware, I'd wonder if the case has actually been investigated. Their files are confidential, but, I'd likely push further if I thought she was being exploited or was not safe. I'd seek legal advice from an attorney in her jurisdiction to see all the options. Sometimes, people can file for Guardianship and ask that the court appoint some other person or entity, such as the county as Guardian. There is usually a paper trail that show what the family member has done with the seniors assets.

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score 2 · Answer 3

The best way is to knock on her door.

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I would knock but now he is sending letters threatening me with a restraining order and his phone which he never answered is suddenly disconnected .

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What to do when your sick brother is sheltering your mom with dementia?

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