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carolshakow Asked February 2020

How can I find a professional care manager to assist parents with age related changes including health and housing, when they are reluctant?

My father is 77, still working a desk job but recently fell down the stairs. My mother has serious mobility issues, needs a knee replacement at a minimum, and pain management due to severe arthritis in her knees. She wants to move to a single-story condo or apartment or in an elevator building. My father doesn't want to move because he is change-averse and also doesn't want to part with their dog, who is incontinent and ill-mannered; it has proven difficult to find an apartment or condo that would take the dog in their favored Wynnewood/Ardmore area. We need help with family dynamics and the decision making process. We also need help with exploring and locating housing options.

Grandma1954 Feb 2020
Is it possible that you can make the first floor of the home they are in easily accessible for them?
Is there a room that can be used as a bedroom?
A full bathroom on the first floor that can be make accessible with a roll in shower and enough room to have 2 people as well as equipment in the room? (equipment might be a wheelchair and or a Hoyer Lift)
No carpet. Makes for a less tripping and easier to maneuver with a wheelchair or walker also great with an incontinent dog. And there are floors that are not very water resistant.
If your mom or dad is a Veteran there are programs that can help with adaptations to the house so that they can remain. There are also programs that can help with having someone come in to help out.
Many Assisted Living facilities will allow dogs and since it is more apartment like the dog could remain with mom and dad as long as it is under their control at all times. They would have to walk the dog but if they are lucky enough many rooms have direct access or easy access to an outdoor area.

Geaton777 Feb 2020
While you are working towards a more permanent solution for your parents, is the first floor of their home a possible total living space for them? Does it have the kitchen, full bath, bedroom all on a single floor where they can center their everyday lives? Also, I would not put my efforts into moving them into anywhere that isn't a care community with a continuum of care, i.e. independent living to AL to LTC to MC to hospice. It will be an enormous effort to move them to an apartment or condo unless they intend to pay to have in-home help as they age, and this (IMO) can be very isolating. I hope they will listen to a geriatric advisor. You will need to communicate to them what you are and are not willing to do in terms of helping them as their abilities decline.

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