Cry because I don’t know how we’ve gotten here. I’ve been my mothers right arm for over 20 years and we’ve been through a few illnesses, things I’m going through with her now are just unbelievable, I’m now treated like an enemy, I’m not trusted, I’m a liar and she tells other family members that I’m mean to her. I love my mother and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her but somedays I just want to walk away.
Family members have their own lives and they chime in at times but still no real help.
Last week with her being diagnosed with cancer for the second time it is hard trying to protect her for surgery prep and the coronavirus.
I just don’t know what to do other then to read as much information I can for a safe outcome but I’m just burnout!!
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I burned out too. My heart breaks for you. My mom is now with my brother and sister in law. I did more than my share.
I know these are unusual times now. We all have our own unique circumstances as well.
I hope that you find relief soon. You are welcome to private message me anytime to vent. I walked in your shoes and understand.
Take care. Best wishes to you and your mom.
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My mom was the same. In her last 2 years she went from sweet to downright nasty toward both my brother and I.
It’s because her brain is broken, my dear. It’s not the mother you are used to.
You may need to walk away for a while and try to understand it’s not personal.
I cried buckets of tears. Go ahead. You’ll feel better.
It’s hard but take it like a grain of salt. It’s just old age and a brain battered by living so long. It’s so very sad.
The things that came out of my mother’s mouth sometimes were absolute stingers.
Limit your visits during these times. Sometimes just being there upsets mom’s apple cart. And realistically she probably can’t remember what she said anyway.
Stay calm but steel yourself. It’s not going to change and you are going to have to deal with it or stop going to see her.
I hope you find a way to accept it and move forward. She doesn’t mean to hurt you (in the big picture) she just can’t help herself.
I went through NHL last year and it was hell. Had I known how lonely and sick I would be--still even almost a year since I was dxed--I may very likely have not opted to do chemo.
I will NOT do it again. I told my doc I was a 'one and done' so while I did finally accept the follow up TX that was recommended, I will not do chemo again. My family did not handle it well, my DH went into a deep, dark funk and was completely unable and unwillingly to do anything to help me.
NOBODY got burned out over my illness. Just me. I had a few good friends who rode it out with me and I thank heaven for them.
If your mother has dementia--why put her through the hell that is chemo? Just b/c you CAN doesn't mean you should.
I would suggest that you keep in touch with friends & close relatives for your sanity because your situation can drive you crazy and really negatively affect your own health. Personally, I can say that it is my faith in God that really saved me and trusting in the Lord knowing that “this too shall pass.”
I must admit that a big glass of wine every night helped relieve my stress and was truly necessary & medicinal for me.
I will pray for you, but you must take care of yourself, too which is not so simple since there is not much time left in a day once you put your parent to bed. It is true that an adult child who becomes her parent’s caregiver suddenly becomes the parent in this situation. It’s tough love for the parent & sometimes the parent is ungrateful and behaves viciously towards the adult child/caregiver. As I said earlier, it really is hell for the caregiver.
May God bless you and give you His strength to endure this trial.
You must take care of yourself so you can be there for your loved ones too. I have read that they have good senior "day camps" throughout the country of USA. After this virus passes.....plan for a vacation. Thank you for helping her as much as you do. I know it has been a sacrifice for you. Even if you are a salary person or own your own business you still have a life outside of being a caregiver.
Take a nice private bubble bath with good music and a book. Relax and Enjoy
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