Taking care of both my parents, mom 83 who has Parkinson's and limited mobility and dad 83 has dementia and can get into everything, I'm still working a stressful tech job, I'm responsible for their complete well being, I have an aide that we pay out of pocket about 25 hours Mon-Fri each week, and on the weekends it's all me, I get up at 6am 7 days a week to give mom her meds on Sat and Sundays I can go back to sleep till 10 am then she's ready to get up and take her shower and start her day. Originally I was just taking care of my Mom and my brother had my dad at my parents house, until he tried to commit suicide leaving him unable to help me with anything, I am so frustrated and exhausted of dealing with this entire situation, but I keep pushing everyday I don't have time for myself and definately not getting proper rest, mom's been at my house since 2018 and dad since December 2019, I moved back to their house in 2016 to help out but my dad was so mean to everyone that I had to buy my own house. There are times when I just want to give up and find a home for them but my mom is worried about paying out her and my dad's retirement and I guess I'm worried about the care they may get somewhere else.
Is it normal to be so drained and tired all the time.
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You need to step back and let them fail, then the care they receive from a facility will seem amazing.
You need to put your foot down, you are going to be a statistic if you don't. How is your brother? You know that the stress from caring for your demented dad played a huge role in your brother not being able to cope right?
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I didn't heed the advice and warnings that I received here.
Now I am paying the price! Because I am stressed constantly and exhausted, physical things that should be manageable have blown up and snowballed.
There is no shame in placing your folks into memory care!! As a matter of fact, it might actually be better for them. They will be with staff that is equipped to deal with their needs. People who are trained to deal with Dementia.
You won't be able to help them if you end up in the hospital.
Please take care of yourself!!
Full stop.
You've been given great realistic suggestions.
I’d somewhat concerned about your work situation..... it sounds like your running on autopilot; coworkers can be quite accommodating even helpful but at some point in time some young gunner will not have a bit of charity for your situation & come after your job. (Unless you own the place)
Right now you can’t efficiently plan for a change as you don’t have time to do whats needed or evaluate options. I’d suggest that you speak with the current caregiver to see if she has a coworker who can come in on Saturday and a few evening hours twice a week both for oversight on the folks and household help. Maybe for 6 weeks so you can start your research on facilities for them and sorting out their finances, meet with an elder law atty AND have some time for yourself. If thier funds are not enough for 2 years or so, you need to look at places that will admit them as private pay and then has Medicaid beds to transition to. Personally I’d get them into a SNF rather than AL or MC this way they don’t have to move to a higher level of care later. The facilities can advise you as to if a needs assessment has to be done for admission if they are coming in under private pay.
I’d try to set a date, like by Oct 1st to get them moved. There will be another wave of Covid this winter. You want to get them into a place before that hits so they have time to adjust and you have time to visit and get to know the all the staff imho.
Also whatever the case, all caregivers costs must be getting paid from your parents funds. It’s unclear if that is what is happening..... really it needs to be from thier resources, not yours or your brothers.
losing ALL my salary of the job I gave up!! In addition I now have expense of heath care, car, etc that I did not have at my last job!! My dad asked if I had any bills I needed “help with”. I said I wasn’t asking for charity. But I was very hurt that he had never asked what I needed...nor did he ever offer me any type of compensation. If they didn’t have money it would be a different situation. As it is. If they passed, my siblings would all get their “fair share” and I’d be out a year (and counting) salary! Mom
chimed in that my dad didn’t know how much caregivers were paid. He did. He rearranged the 3days/week we had set up and switched it to the person coming once every two weeks!! (Because he didn’t want to spend the money!!) LOL. I just burned my veggies I was steaming in the stove while I was writing this!! Yes...over-stressed!
take care and be safe.
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