My soon to be 92 year old mother wants to move in to our home. How do I begin the process?

My mom lived with me her last 5 years of life with Alzheimer's. I (and my hubby) will never regret it so it is a personal decision. Incontinence is not that tough to deal with. Be sure you have thought about logistics...a room for her, equipment, bathroom, shower, etc. Also, who will stay with her when you work. What about doctor's appointments? I think it is very doable... You just need to be sure to be prepared.

Yeah, I'd rethink the whole decision if I were you. Your profile says your mother is incontinent. Have you ever dealt with such an issue before? Just that alone is enough to get her placed in Assisted Living, in my opinion. Unless you're interested in washing sheets all the time and trying to figure out how to keep the linens dry, what pads to use, disposable or not, the list is endless. My mother is 93.5 and wets the bed several times per week at the ALF where she lives; the gals whisk the sheets away and launder them with no problem. They also tend to the 'accidents' she always has in the bathroom (both) and clean those messes up without a word. I wouldn't be able to do that myself; don't have the stomach for it.

Also, how is your daughter who works full time intending to 'help'? I am an only child and my 2 children say all the time how they'll help out with grandma and never do. They visit once in a blue moon and call about once a month. As much as they know it will help ME if they call and visit, they still don't do it b/c they work full time and just don't put it on their 'to-do' lists.

Who will be with your mother while you and DH are working? What are the precautions you've taken like a Life Line in case she falls? Cameras? Have you put in shower rails for safety in her bathroom? Will her walker be able to glide over carpets or floors in your home easily? Are there trip hazards like throw rugs to pull up?

Anyway, I'd look into inviting an occupational therapist over to your home to help you figure out how to make it handicap accessible for your mothers arrival, should you move forward with the decision. Also keep in mind that she will probably never leave...........one fall or one illness and that will make her weaker and very unlikely to want to move again. Just the realities you should know and keep in mind when making such a big decision that will affect you and your husband's lives.

Good luck!

Where does your mother live now? This is not something I would do. You say she has fall issues. Yet you work part time and your hubby full time. Who will be with Mom when you are not there. Your Mom is now 92. I doubt she will want to leave your home once she is there. And I thing it may not be easy to get her placement again. If Covid is your concern you DO understand that you and your hubby both work and you are enlisting a daughter as well. Any one of you can bring Covid into the home. What then? And if Covid is the reason, why are you waiting three more months. What exactly would you request advice about? And are all of you on board for this for CERTAIN, or are some family members reluctant. Whatever the wishful thinking dream is of what this will be, the reality will present a whole lot of problems, none of which will get easier. You know what they always say about Americans and Tax breaks. You can give them, but you can never get them to give them up later.

Oceanwoof, I think the question you need to ponder is: *should* she move in with you?

If she is as "independent" as you say, then she can go into Assisted Living and be extremely safe from covid. You retain your privacy, your marriage and finances aren't strained and you avoid the possibility of burn out. My MIL is in LTC in a facility. They had 9 deaths in LTC and MC and 0 in AL because they don't have much staff contact and can limit it voluntarily. Staff brought in the virus. My 85-yr old MIL had covid and recouped completely.

Providing hands-on care sounds good in theory as long as you are realistic about it all. At 92 (and a fall risk) your mom will not be independent much longer if she takes a hard tumble, which can still easily happen in your home under your watchful eyes. I read a statistic that said once a senior begins to fall it takes about 2-ish years before they have an inevitable catastrophic fall that necessitates LTC. Cognition is the other variable that can change significantly in a short period of time. I'm seeing this in my own very healthy, very independent 91-yr old mother (who FYI mowed her lawn by herself a few days ago). But her short-term memory, filter and attention span have all decreased in less than a year. I'm needing to mind her more every day (she lives in the house next to me).

I'm truly not trying to "talk you out" of moving her in...just encouraging you to please into it with your eyes wide open. Go to the home page of this forum and click on the Burn Out topic and read what some very well-meaning, smart people are now going through because caregiving for even 1 person in decline is not a walk in the park. Also, do not assume that people who say they are "willing" to "help" you now will remain that willing as the needs become more daily and intense. Family is under no obligation to make the same sacrifice as you. Your mom is lucky to have such a daughter as yourself. I wish you much clarity and wisdom as you make this decision.