Agree with not really discussing this with him, just slowly transition to auto bill payments online, intercepting the mail, removing most (but not all) the checks from his checkbook and hiding the rest and extra blanks. In fact you may want to create a separate checking account for which he doesn't have checks and move most of the funds into that new one. Just keep a minimum amount of money in the original one in case he writes out an inappropriate check or he is scammed, then the loss is mitigated. Think about purchasing a small, rolling fire-proof file that locks and put both of your sensitive paperwork in it. Maybe consider removing all but one cc from his wallet, and/or his ATM card. If he has a cell phone make sure his number is registered on the National Do Not Call list, etc. We did this for my in-laws when we discovered they were both in a tailspin of decline at the same time. My stepFIL was very uncooperative and so I we didn't feel "bad" employing this type of strategy -- it was to protect the both of them.
Also agree to make sure you are his durable PoA (and that he has a younger, local back-up person as well if you and your husband are close in age). You should also make sure to ask each of his doctors for the Medical Representative form on which he designates you as his representative. He must sign the form and it gets returned to the doc's office. This allows the docs and staff to discuss all of his medical info with you without him present and for them to receive/act upon info you give them. It is different than just being medical PoA. And please make sure all your protective legal paperwork is also in place. A 1-hour consult with an elder law attorney who does estate planning would be well worth the price. At 78 your hubby is still sort of "young" and may eventually need Medicaid for his care. This is something you must prep for in advance to ensure he qualifies should he ever need it, and you are also protected. I wish you success in managing the finances and peace in your heart as you journey dow this path together.
Do you have POA and or joint ownership on all your accounts?
If not you need to sort this out asap. Then you need to take over the finances. Pay the bills online, intercept the mail coming and going.
My step dad was an accountant. When he got dementia he continued to be treasurer for a provincial organization, but eventually it become apparent that he was unable to continue to do the work. It was very hard for him to acknowledge, but as it was not his money he was accounting for, it was imperative that he stop. Mum had always taken care of the house hold finances, so that was ok.
Patience, don't argue with him. Let him be right. When doing this you do have to be sneaky. He cannot reason or problem solve any longer.
Take over bill paying? Make payments online. Do not mail checks that he makes out. Destroy them in the envelopes. You will never win this argument. Find a work around.
3 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Also agree to make sure you are his durable PoA (and that he has a younger, local back-up person as well if you and your husband are close in age). You should also make sure to ask each of his doctors for the Medical Representative form on which he designates you as his representative. He must sign the form and it gets returned to the doc's office. This allows the docs and staff to discuss all of his medical info with you without him present and for them to receive/act upon info you give them. It is different than just being medical PoA. And please make sure all your protective legal paperwork is also in place. A 1-hour consult with an elder law attorney who does estate planning would be well worth the price. At 78 your hubby is still sort of "young" and may eventually need Medicaid for his care. This is something you must prep for in advance to ensure he qualifies should he ever need it, and you are also protected. I wish you success in managing the finances and peace in your heart as you journey dow this path together.
If not you need to sort this out asap. Then you need to take over the finances. Pay the bills online, intercept the mail coming and going.
My step dad was an accountant. When he got dementia he continued to be treasurer for a provincial organization, but eventually it become apparent that he was unable to continue to do the work. It was very hard for him to acknowledge, but as it was not his money he was accounting for, it was imperative that he stop. Mum had always taken care of the house hold finances, so that was ok.
ADVERTISEMENT
Take over bill paying? Make payments online. Do not mail checks that he makes out. Destroy them in the envelopes. You will never win this argument. Find a work around.