How do I cope with depression and being alone as minimal conversation with spouse who suffers from severe pain which totally consumes him?

First, I am sorry for what you are going through. I know it is tough to watch someone we have loved for so long decline and become different from what they were. But there is help out there. For you and for him. It is SO important for you to first and foremost take care of yourself. If your husband cannot be left by himself, then you need to hire someone to come in several days a week, so you can get a break and go out and do things you enjoy. You can also talk to a counselor/therapist, and share your feeling about what is going on. Do you belong to a church? If you do, they might have some people that might be willing to come stay with your husband, so you can get out for a little while. And yes, you can still get out and have fun even with Covid going on. You just have to take a few more precautions that's all. It doesn't mean that we all stop living our lives. That problem in itself is far worse than any virus we have encountered. So you take care of you. You can't be much help to your husband if you're not taken care of first.

Now your husband might need to be reevaluated by his Dr. for his pain, as he might have gotten immune to what he is on and it might be time to try something different. I know my husband in his last 22 months of his life was on morphine first, and when that quit working he was put on hydromorphone, and then finally fentanyl. His fentanyl pump was eventually raised to the highest level possible to try to keep his pain under control, but eventually that still wasn't enough to control his pain, and in his final weeks of life even with the addition of hydromorphone again, his pain still was not under control, and it was heartbreaking to watch him suffer so. So please take him to his Dr. and see what can be done for him. You might find out that there's more going on with him than you know. God bless you and keep you.

Do you mind telling us why he is experiencing severe pain? Please speak to his doctor about his chronic pain.

I do hope your situation improves soon. Keep us posted.

I hope you aren’t saying that he is taking very strong narcotics but is STILL in severe pain. If this has been going on for 6 years, it might be worthwhile looking for alternative medical advice. Even asking Hospice to evaluate him might be a good check – Hospice has a lot of experience with pain and narcotics. They might have some helpful words about his treatment, even if they say he is not a Hospice case.

This doesn't sound right. Before you feel guilty yourself, you ought to be very sure that it's what you think it is. Lying in bed, being very demanding, and taking narcotics is not unknown for other reasons.

First of all, being married for 62 years is quite an accomplishment!

When dreams aren’t fulfilled in our lives we are disappointed and even resentful at times.

It’s very monotonous and extremely difficult to face the same scenario day in and day out.

It’s much easier to face a situation when we know it is temporary. When there isn’t an end in sight we can sink into depression and anxiety. Please find someone to speak to.

Vent on this forum. We have lots of members that will share their experiences with you. Hopefully you will find people that you connect with.

I personally feel that you are being too hard on yourself.
Do you get a break from your husband? Even in a marriage where no one is sick, we need time for ourselves too.