But love alone is NOT enough to care for someone with Alzheimer's Disease until the very end.
How much do you know about the disease? It is progressive. Function keeps decling. Full supervision turns into full care including feeding, toileting & eventually bedbound.
You will need a TEAM of caregivers. Either in your home, or in group accommodation (a nursing home).
You & your brother are separate adults. Have separate lives, jobs, situations. You both get to decide FOR YOURSELVES how much physical & emotional caregiving you can do. Not for each other.
Personal care (showering, toileting) is fine for some siblings - other will say no no no. This is OK!
People with dementia require stability & routine. Moving home so often may even add to confusion. (If it is working ok now that is good though).
You need a plan that works for ALL of you. Not guilting your brother into 6 months. Not you taking on the full load either.
I am so very sorry you are going through this & your Mother has this incurable disease.
How long has your Mom been in this Country? Did she work here? Because the way you have explained things I thought she had only been here a short time.
If she is getting Medicaid and she is as bad as u have said, why have you not tried to get her into a Nursing home with Medicaid paying for her care. This may be easier than trying to get your brother to handle what you consider his responsibility. I understand this may be a cultural thing but you are the one with 6 children and holding down a job. You can't be caring for someone who seems to be in her last stages of ALZ. Its not fair to your family.
Thanks. Yes, she worked in the early 90's and left. Then she came and went until I started noticing patterns,,,, I am afraid of a nursing home, because my brother somehow makes me feel like a bad daughter, because according to him, that would really kill her.
Have you called your local Area Agency on Aging for a needs assessment? If not that seems like a good first step.
The goal needs to be to get your mother the care that she needs, and it's just not possible to take care of advanced dementia in a private home. It sounds like your mom needs 24 hour care, and that is what she would get in a facility.
Have you discussed a care facility with your brother? He may not want to do hands on care for your mom but do you think he would be willing to help you find placement?
Yini, is your mom a US citizen? It might be best to consult with an attorney who specializes in elder care to see if your mom can qualify for any community resources or Medicaid, or if a guardian can be appointed by the state.
If not, does your mom have any assets? What is her financial situation?
You can't force your brother to take her, but with six children and a job yourself this isn't sustainable for you either. I'm sorry you are going through this, and your brother isn't helping.
If you can give more info you will get more suggestions.
Yes she has medicare/ medicaid. A person comes couple of hours during the day. She. is a resident. What do you mean a guardian? She has no assets. Financial situation, zero.
It drives me nuts when people do not answer questions asked. Reposting initial information is of no help to anyone.
Additional information always helps us to help you.
Has she seen a doctor? There are other illnesses that will mimic alzheimer's. Many medical conditions will cause memory loss which may be a temporary condition.
As said earlier, there is not a judge in this country that would order someone to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. But, the court may assign mom a guardian which would then take complete control of mom away from you.
Thank you all for answering. This is other part of the situation. She has alzhaimer, very advance. She can't be on her own. She is like a 1 year old in the body of my mom. We noticed the illness 2015, she was on her own, in another country. We decided that she should come. She lived with me for two years. My brother basically did not come, or helped.
She was still some how mentally stable and asked to be sent back to her native land. My brother forced me, by making the whole family pressure me , accusing me that because of my large family I could not provide, and she was not happy in this weather. We hired people to help her, overseas, it did NOT work. She was in my house for another year.
Luckly she is back, now cant function, it is very hard. When she is with me, my brother doesnt help. So I suggested the switch every six months. I just want to formalize our situation, because when she is with me, he doesnt help, and this last four months he is very __(Not a good word)_____ about the demands that the require having her.
I want help and peace. Can a judge help it be regular.? Thanks
No a judge will not help with this. If bro will not help you need to find another solution.
Has she seen a doctor? There are other illnesses that will mimic alzheimer's. Many medical conditions will cause memory loss which may be a temporary condition.
as said earlier, there is not a judge in this country that would order someone to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. But, the court may assign mom a guardian which would then take complete control of mom away from you.
Has she seen a doctor? There are other illnesses that will mimic alzheimer's. Many medical conditions will cause memory loss which may be a temporary condition.
As said earlier, there is not a judge in this country that would order someone to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. But, the court may assign mom a guardian which would then take complete control of mom away from you.
Your Mother, at 70, is quite young. Can you tell us more about what mental and/or physical problems she is dealing with? Short answer to a Judge dealing with this is no, they do not deal with custody of parent.
Is the idea to move in with mother for six months or have her move every six months? To make a person with dementia move every six months would be cruel. She needs consistency and calm, not being uprooted and moved often. Did she appoint POA before the dementia to make decisions on her behalf when she no longer could?
Hi, Thanks she has alzhaimer, very advance. She can't be on her own. She is like a 1 year old in the body of my mom. We noticed the illness 2015, she was on her own, iin another country.
You’re not going to be successful with this. A judge cannot force either of you take your mother at all. What does your mother want? Are you at all considered with the effect “joint custody” will have on her? She’s the one who has to be moved to different environment every 6 months if you get what you want. Maybe a family mediator can help your family come to an agreement.
Hi, Thanks for the answer she has alzhaimers, very advance. She can't be on her own. She is like a 1 year old in the body of my mom. We noticed the illness 2015, she was on her own, iin another country. We live very close but our worlds are apart. Thanks
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You love your Mom. That is clear.
But love alone is NOT enough to care for someone with Alzheimer's Disease until the very end.
How much do you know about the disease? It is progressive. Function keeps decling. Full supervision turns into full care including feeding, toileting & eventually bedbound.
You will need a TEAM of caregivers. Either in your home, or in group accommodation (a nursing home).
You & your brother are separate adults. Have separate lives, jobs, situations. You both get to decide FOR YOURSELVES how much physical & emotional caregiving you can do. Not for each other.
Personal care (showering, toileting) is fine for some siblings - other will say no no no. This is OK!
People with dementia require stability & routine. Moving home so often may even add to confusion. (If it is working ok now that is good though).
You need a plan that works for ALL of you. Not guilting your brother into 6 months. Not you taking on the full load either.
I am so very sorry you are going through this & your Mother has this incurable disease.
If she is getting Medicaid and she is as bad as u have said, why have you not tried to get her into a Nursing home with Medicaid paying for her care. This may be easier than trying to get your brother to handle what you consider his responsibility. I understand this may be a cultural thing but you are the one with 6 children and holding down a job. You can't be caring for someone who seems to be in her last stages of ALZ. Its not fair to your family.
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Have you called your local Area Agency on Aging for a needs assessment? If not that seems like a good first step.
The goal needs to be to get your mother the care that she needs, and it's just not possible to take care of advanced dementia in a private home. It sounds like your mom needs 24 hour care, and that is what she would get in a facility.
Have you discussed a care facility with your brother? He may not want to do hands on care for your mom but do you think he would be willing to help you find placement?
If not, does your mom have any assets? What is her financial situation?
You can't force your brother to take her, but with six children and a job yourself this isn't sustainable for you either. I'm sorry you are going through this, and your brother isn't helping.
If you can give more info you will get more suggestions.
Additional information always helps us to help you.
Has she seen a doctor? There are other illnesses that will mimic alzheimer's. Many medical conditions will cause memory loss which may be a temporary condition.
As said earlier, there is not a judge in this country that would order someone to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. But, the court may assign mom a guardian which would then take complete control of mom away from you.
This is other part of the situation.
She has alzhaimer, very advance. She can't be on her own. She is like a 1 year old in the body of my mom. We noticed the illness 2015, she was on her own, in another country. We decided that she should come. She lived with me for two years. My brother basically did not come, or helped.
She was still some how mentally stable and asked to be sent back to her native land. My brother forced me, by making the whole family pressure me , accusing me that because of my large family I could not provide, and she was not happy in this weather. We hired people to help her, overseas, it did NOT work. She was in my house for another year.
Luckly she is back, now cant function, it is very hard. When she is with me, my brother doesnt help. So I suggested the switch every six months. I just want to formalize our situation, because when she is with me, he doesnt help, and this last four months he is very __(Not a good word)_____ about the demands that the require having her.
I want help and peace. Can a judge help it be regular.?
Thanks
Has she seen a doctor? There are other illnesses that will mimic alzheimer's. Many medical conditions will cause memory loss which may be a temporary condition.
as said earlier, there is not a judge in this country that would order someone to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. But, the court may assign mom a guardian which would then take complete control of mom away from you.
As said earlier, there is not a judge in this country that would order someone to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. But, the court may assign mom a guardian which would then take complete control of mom away from you.
Short answer to a Judge dealing with this is no, they do not deal with custody of parent.
Is Mom ill? Can she not be on her own? Is she on a limited income?
More info would help.