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GretchenCare Asked January 2021

Need checklist for actions to take when Mom passes! Any help?

My husband and I recently moved from Maryland to New Mexico. My 97 1/2 year old mother lives with us. She is doing very well but we still want to be prepared for when she passes, especially if she dies unexpectedly at home, i.e. in her sleep. She wants to be cremated. I imagine cremation service, body transport service, Social Security Administration, but don't know who else needs to be contacted, and who we should call first? What other companies/agencies should we be lining-up? I would like to talk with them ahead of time, get pricing, etc. It will be sad, stressful and disturbing enough when the moment comes, so I think having a checklist ready to go will help make a smoother transition.
FYI: I have health & financial POA, and am a co-signer on her checking & savings accounts; She has no assets and lives on her monthly Social Security check. Thank you!!!

GardenArtist Jan 2021
You've gotten a lot of good advice.    I can only offer a few other suggestions:

1.  You wrote that she has no assets, but just think over these suggestions to ensure that nothing is missed:   any real property owned, vehicles, household items (including any that are valuable, such as antiques), stocks, bonds, annuities, insurance policies, and/or anything that generates or could generate income.

2.   Same for her liabilities:  any credit cards, taxes on real property, monthly, quarterly or annual payments on anything ranging from services to insurance.

I mention these b/c I found that even though I had lists, I missed a few things which I hadn't thought of as assets.  

3.  Another important notification if appropriate are her other relatives, friends, acquaintances, your neighbors, Senior Center staff if she gets any assistance from them, i.e., people outside of the list of agencies and companies that might be providing support.

4.  Something else to consider is whether or not to draft an obituary, and if so, whether or not you want to allow it to be printed in a newspaper, or want to keep the death private.  I chose the latter, for a variety of reasons arising from security.    One thing I didn't want is for strangers to know that the house could be vacant, nor did I want to be pestered by realtors, or wannabe flippers.  (I was anyway.)   

After my sister died, the realtors literally converged on the possibility of getting a listing; there were well over a dozen and a half sending junk mail to me. 

And remember that if you post an obituary in a paper, it's highly likely to be uploaded to some website listing deaths.    I didn't want to be pestered by any scroungers trying to get a house listing, host an asset sale or anything else.

JoAnn29 Jan 2021
The one thing I found good was prepaying the funeral. The funeral director and I sat down, while Mom was still living, and figured out what I wanted. (I had cashed in an insurance policy for Medicaid and was able to use the proceeds to prepay the funeral) I had the casket picked out. The deed to the lot was given. Time for viewing and service. Anything special I wanted. All I needed to do once Mom passed was order flowers, set up the minister and the funeral luncheon. The Funeral Director took car of everything else and contacted Social Security.

In my area the Funeral Home director sets up cremations. But I know in Florida they are separate entities and the body can go directly there bypassing the Funeral home.

Since she is living with you, then you know what debts she has or doesn't so a plus there. TG my Mom had no credit cards and lived within her means. Any outstanding doctor bills were handled before she entered the NH.

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GretchenCare Jan 2021
Oh my gosh, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! In addition to the great advice from funkygrandma, I will also look into getting the book "Please don't die...", plus follow the state of New Mexico link. Ad YES, I will begin writing her obit tomorrow so I can file it away until it's needed. This is incredibly comforting and supportive and I thank you all again.

AlvaDeer Jan 2021
I can recommend a book from Amazon or other places:
Kurt Grubes book "Please don't Die, but if You Do, What Do I DO Next".Very simple and straightforward.

Tothill Jan 2021
The state has this list available:

https://newmexico.networkofcare.org/aging/library/article.aspx?id=131

I was just looking over the check list provided in my province. They generally are very comprehensive.

funkygrandma59 Jan 2021
If she is not under hospice care at the time of her death, you would call 911, and they will contact the coroner to come out, and pronounce her dead. Then you would call the crematory to have them come and get her body. They will contact Social Security of her death, but you need to call them as well. You will have to wait until the coroner lists a reason for her death, before you will receive her death certificate, which the crematory will ask you how many copies you would like. You will also need to contact any of her pension plans if applicable, and then if there are any properties/assets or a will, you will start the probate process. If she is under hospice care, then you would call them first, and they would contact the crematory to come get her body, and their Dr or nurse practitioner will sign off on her death certificate, so you will get it back much sooner than waiting for the coroner to determine why she died. The rest of the steps otherwise are pretty much the same. You sound like me. I too like to have my "ducks in a row". I had a list written out weeks before my husband died, Oh and one more thing, you may want to have her obituary written out ahead of time, when you're not as emotional. I wrote my husbands 6 months before he died, and just had to tweak it after he died. Wishing you the best.

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