My 94 year old mother with dementia keeps screaming for the police. I’m at my wits end. I think I can’t handle this at home anymore.

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CaregiverL Asked May 2021

My 94 year old mother with dementia keeps screaming for the police. I’m at my wits end. I think I can’t handle this at home anymore.

Since my mother is refusing meds (everything poison) & I can’t hide it ..trying to hide it in mini muffin, or chocolate pudding or ice cream…she won’t take that either now. My mother & I live together & I’m her primary caregiver…I have private pay aide between 35 -40 hours a week. I’m her only daughter that takes care of her…
We transfer her with stand assist lift, to wheelchair & back to bed.

She’s been screaming my name all morning for me to call police to find my father…who she said went to work & didn’t come home…(he died in 1992). She also wants to call my Grandma (died in 1998) If I can get her to take calming meds …she’d be calm …I also can’t get the Alzheimer’s meds into her! Then when I go in front of her …she still screaming for me …she says I’m not her daughter…I’m an orphan from agency. She said I stole her daughter’s information..Also she keeps trying to escape wheelchair &/or bed. So I can’t really do anything else but sit & watch her.

I took her out of nursing home 4 years & 2 months ago…& been home ever since except for fall/ER/ needed stitches…then short term rehab this past February. I took her home again…but having a very difficult time now.

I just needed to vent. It seems I’m better giving advice to others than myself.

Any feedback welcome 🤗.. thanks

CaregiverL

Alzheimer's & Dementia Burnout Care Decisions Dementia Behaviors

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score 7 · Answer 1

You "think" you can't handle this at home any more?

You're past that. You absolutely cannot do this anymore. I'm sorry.

Call 911 the next time she is agitated and have them take her to the ER. Then you can start the process of going from hospital straight to a facility. The social workers at the hospital will try to get you to bring her home. Refuse it no matter how much they urge you to take her. She is not safe in your home because she is unmanageable in your home, and will not do what is needed to keep her stable.

Helpful Answer (7)

Thanks so much, Loopyloo for taking the time! Much appreciated…Hugs 🤗

(2)

score 6 · Answer 2

Sounds like it's time to place her again. Not just for your sake but for your mother's emotional well being too. It can't be good for her to live in this intense state of fear and anxiety everyday.

Helpful Answer (6)

Thank you SP for taking the time…much appreciated
Hugs 🤗

(2)

score 6 · Answer 3

I think that you are very wise now to consider in facility care; you have limitations and that's human. I sure wish you the best of luck. There is no "fix it" for this, and any answer you come up with is going to leave you a lot of grief. Allow yourself to mourn what life has come to for your Mom. I am so sorry and wish you the best.

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Thanks so much, Alva🙏🏼 I appreciate you taking the time…Hugs 🤗

(1)

score 5 · Answer 4

It might be time to look into Memory Care for her.
The fact that you can not get medications of any type into her makes it difficult if not impossible to deal with anxiety.
sorry that I don't have a better idea for you.

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Thank you, Grandma 1954, for taking the time..much appreciated..Hugs 🤗

(1)

score 5 · Answer 5

I think we're all better at giving out advice than taking it. 😥

Your mother is in a crisis situation and needs medication to calm her down asap.

You've gotten some great advice, I just wanted to wish you luck and send you a hug.

Helpful Answer (5)

Thanks so much Lealonnie1 !
Hugs 🤗 back!

(3)

score 4 · Answer 6

You've got your hands full for sure don't you? I know you've done a great job dealing with her so far, but it definitely sounds like it's time to look into some other options for her care, because you already know things are only going to continue to get worse. I think it's now time to let the professionals take care of her in a memory care facility, so you can get back to just being her daughter, and get back to living and enjoying your life. You know that if your mom was in her right mind that she would not want you having to care for her like she is.
You now have to do not only what's best for your mom, but also what's best for you as well. Wishing you the best in this tough situation.

Helpful Answer (4)

Thank you, Funky Grandma 59 for taking the time..much appreciated..Hugs 🤗

(2)

score 4 · Answer 7

CaregiverL,

I am sorry. This is so sad for you both.

Neither one of you is living much of a life right now. It sounds pretty hellish, actually.

Maybe it’s time to let go of your current arrangements and go back to just being your Mom’s daughter.

Best wishes to you.

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Thanks so much, Oxmoody for taking the time! Much appreciated…Hugs 🤗

(0)

score 3 · Answer 8

Do they make patches for the medication she needs? (If not I sure don't know why not!) I know that biting into most pills is extremely bitter and some meds are not designed to be crushed or chewed because it interferes with the time-release action.

My 99-yr old aunt started doing something similar where she yells "Help me!" at the top of her lungs randomly (even when you're not doing anything to her). I had to take her to the bank so I could be added to her account, but left her in the car as she's not very mobile. Long story short, "someone" called the police while I was inside with the clerk. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart as you ponder how to move forward.

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Thank you, Geaton…appreciate greatly you taking the time. Hugs 🤗

(2)

My 94 year old mother with dementia keeps screaming for the police. I’m at my wits end. I think I can’t handle this at home anymore.

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