My mom is always pressuring me to bring her hydrocodone directly to her and not to the front desk of her assisted living facility. Advice?

this is an old post sry I have not responded. I always bring her pills to the front. She gets pissed off but I can and do stand up for myself. She has been on her meds for seven years with a doc who just doles them out. She has a new pain doctor. Long story short he is already talking about getting her off of them. She ignores it as if he isn’t even talking. She is totally addicted.

I signed my mother up for the medication management program when she was in an assisted living. They did all the ordering and dispensing of medications.

I will say that prior to her admission to the AL, she was on all kinds of pain medications. And she always complained of pain. For years she was probably misusing her pain medications. I spoke with her new PCP to review her medications and come up with a new plan to keep her pain under better control. It worked.

Having the facility manage all her medications took me out of the loop altogether. It’s slightly more expensive but it was worth it for me.

Following AL rules on meds is important. If you don't mom could get kicked out. I sure would not mess with any controlled substance. Only authorized personnel to get such meds to distribute. I'd just develop extremely bad hearing and a rhino hide attitude toward mom's demands.

CNA's, unless Medtechs, cannot handle medications.

In my Moms AL the RN is in charge of the medications. The residents weren't even allowed an aspirin in their rooms. The RN reordered the prescriptions and called the doctors for renewals. No medication was given outside Drs. orders. If it says every four hours, thats when the resident got it. As needed was when the person asked but at the discretion of the Nurse. So lets say the person calls every two hours but you should not take that medicine more than 6 a day, I would think the nurse can say no more today. Medtechs did the medpasses. I never handled Moms prescriptions. I just paid the pharmacy bills.

This is a scheduled II controlled substance. If you know for a fact she is over medicating herself to get High then you need to deliver the pain pill bottle directly hand to hand to a CNA staff member not leave it at the front desk. You do not want your mother to get addicted to this narcotic drug.

When my mother lived in the regular ALF part of the place, and before she was on their medication management program, her meds had to be locked up in a drawer in the kitchen area. I went in and sorted them out weekly and she was in charge of taking them herself. But still, they were under lock & key for a reason.

When she started mismanaging her meds, that's when I signed her up for the ALFs medication management program, much to my mother's chagrin. Which was too bad really, b/c I was finding her meds inside of coffee cups in the cabinet and under her easy chair on the carpet, etc. I felt it was important she take her prescribed medications as prescribed.

Is your mother on the ALFs medication management program or is she managing her meds by herself? Is it the ALFs rule that all meds be left off at the front desk? If she's on their med management program and/or it's the ALFs rule that all meds be dropped off at the front desk, then you should do just that. Otherwise, you are breaking their rules and if your mother overdoses, it's THEIR liability which is wrong b/c you weren't playing by the rules.

If it were my mother holding me emotionally hostage b/c she was an addict, I'd tell her this: Mother, I'm leaving your pills off at the front desk which is my moral and ethical obligation to you and to the ALF. If you don't like that arrangement, I will stop dropping your medication off entirely and leave it up to YOU to figure out how to get your next fix. Wishing you the best of luck with it, too.

Your mother needs to treat you with the respect you deserve and if she chooses not to, then you get to decide your next move and how she gets her next fix. My mother chose to treat me with great disrespect today and so I chose to leave her room at the Memory Care ALF. She made a conscious decision to treat me with blatant contempt, so I made a conscious decision to say Enough, and left. Respect is a 2 way street; mother's don't automatically get it b/c they are our mothers but b/c they treat us accordingly.

You pick up the pills and drop them off at the front desk then leave the facility and don't go in to see your mom. If she calls to harass you regarding the whereabouts of the pills, you tell her they are safe with the front desk "as per doctors orders" and then hang up if she continues to harangue you.

Please please understand that her getting combative is the sign that she is already addicted to them. It's the addiction talking and you don't have to listen to it. It wants to kill your mother. Go deaf to it, for your mother's sake. It's not your mother talking and nagging and shaming and pressuring. It's her well-formed addiction. Inform her doctor of your concern that she is already addicted. Do not ever give her the pills directly unless you want to enable her addiction. Everything that comes out of her mouth will be a lie, because that's the only language addiction speaks. Remember this when your mom and her addiction are talking at you. Be strong. I wish you success in dealing with this challenging situation.

She gets mad when you don't obey? Ok, let her get mad. I don't think a 97 yo can do much.

And at 97, addiction is really not looked upon as a real problem. She probably DOES have pain and unless the NH says you have to bring outside meds to THEM, then you have an easy out. If they don't, then just deliver them to her and forget about it.

BTW, her Dr. cannot prescribe unless he/she sees your mom every 1- 3 months for refills of controlled substances, so likely they are aware of what she's taking and why.

How much does she take and why? I'm kind of feeling for mom, who, if she has to call the nurse every single time she needs a pain pill---that gets old.

Keeping her comfortable should be the first line of attack--her pain is hers, we don't know how she feels.

Guess I am old enough that I'd be mad if someone were controlling my pain!

The answer to your Mother is "No, I can't possibly do that".
Period.
End of discussion.
Let the facility know that your Mother is attempting to get opiates.

Sounds like a slippery slope but we don’t know the status of your mom. If she is competent to manage her affairs I would have her handle her own Med delivery but let the facility know. If she is paying for pill management then there must be a reason.
Are you her POA? Is it activated?
You could always let the doctor know what is going on and see if there is an alternative. You could also follow the program arranged and then leave without seeing your mom. Does that seem frightening? Liberating?

Tell her that legally you HAVE to bring any medications to the desk so that they are aware of what there is. This also prevents (or should) theft of medications by staff, other residents and visitors.

What sort of control does she exert over you?

Are you dependent upon her for wages, living arrangements or food?

Are you afraid you will be disinherited?

True adulthood doesn't start until you can say "no" to your parents and not really care what they think or so.

Please give that some thought.