I can’t forgive. What can I do?

Taylor, (((((hugs))))))).

Think clinically.

Call the hospital in the AM and ask to speak to the charge nurse. Tell her that your mother is demonstrating a sharp change in mental status. Ask for them to check for a UTI. Consider that this may be hospital delirium.

Those who are hurting hurt.
My dad told me yesterday I’m not much of a daughter, I said dad you know I love you.
My dad is in respite; every doctor says it’s dementia, but we’re still waiting for a formal diagnosis. my dad is angry and agitated. He is sad. He’s losing mobility rapidly. he wants to go home. I do everything I can to support him.
my dad sat with me in A&E when I miscarried, he has been a massive part of my grown sons life. he is the sweetest man in the world. An amazing gorgeous dad. I’ve been blessed. Those words were spoken by dementia, not dad. The same with your mum
i still cried, because I’m grieving. It’s hurts but forgive her. I don’t know what our limits are with these things, but I pray if, when it happens again, my answer will be the same
sending a hug xx

I just wanted to let you know that feeling hurt is normal. It is hard to watch the mother who took care of you dissapear. It not only hurts, but it causes depression and sadness, because you; as I am mourning the loss of my mom; even though she is still alive. Sometimes I see patches of her real self still, and I hang on to those moments. I breath, and step back. I remind myself that she is the one that is suffering with a brain and body that won't allow her to be that person that she once was. By taking a moment to realize this, then compassion can come into your heart. I can't tell you to toughen up, or anything like that because I am right there with you. There are going to be some really tough days ahead, so I have worked hard on trying to understand with compassion, and let her just do her. I love the woman that she was, and I love the woman that is trapped inside the body that she has now. I do my best to let the ugly go, step back, and remember that this too shall pass. I don't want to regret anything on the day that she goes to her maker. Just remember that you are not alone. God is there to give you the strength to honor your mother, and we are hear to always validate your feelings.
God bless. You are in my prayers.

Come on, your mother's dead brain is talking to you. Do you have to take it seriously? Get it in your head, your mother doesn't have a working brain any more. You have to ignore what she says.

You know its the Dementia talking and they always blame the one closest to you. You are not the only one who has gone thru this. Let it roll off your back.

If you 'know it's the dementia talking' then why is it 'killing you' and why can't you forgive your mother? She's in the hospital, likely suffering from hospital delirium ON TOP of dementia, so for you to expect her to be anything BUT confused and delirious is a bit unrealistic on your part. Calm down, stop crying, have a glass of wine or something & chalk this off to the disease your mother is suffering from rather than something real she's accusing you of.

Make a plan of action to deal with this situation on a day-by-day basis, and to leave your emotions out of it, because otherwise, it's going to be a very, very long road to get her from point A to point B. Level heads MUST prevail now in order to get her the help she needs, to be able to speak clearly & rationally with the staff in the hospital, and to then get her into rehab and/or placed permanently in Memory Care or Skilled Nursing. Put aside all the irrational accusations and realize that tomorrow, she likely will have forgotten all about what she accused you of doing today. Yet you spent all night crying and dying over something she has no memory of and no control over! Put it all into perspective as you push forward. Dementia is certainly not easy to deal with, but keep a smile on your face when you deal with her & remember, it's not MOM talking but the disease.

Just because you know the brain is broken doesn't make it hurt any less. I understand how the OP feels. I would have a hard time getting past it too.

Another poster mentioned kids yelling "I Hate you" to a parent. I never did that to my parents and my kids never did that to me. Some things you can't take back.

If you are unable to handle the abuse please back off for a while. I know it hurts, but unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do to change what they say.

Words HURT. Sometimes words hurt more than the spanking you got as a child.
But thinking back to when you were a child and you went shopping with mom and you wanted a candy bar, or a toy and she said NO. And you said..."I hate you" or when you were grounded for some "ridiculous" reason and you said.."I hate you and I'm going to move out as soon as I can" or "maybe during a fight you said some other hateful thing.
Did you really mean what you said, or was it just your immediate anger, you said what you thought at the moment.
What was your mom's response?
Do what your mom did back then. Ignore the comment said when you were angry.
When you see your mom she will probably have forgotten what she said.
So should you.
Give her a hug, tell her that you love her.
YOU know that you have done nothing to hurt her physically, mentally, financially. People that work with people that have dementia hear all sorts of things and take most of what they hear with a grain of salt.

Stop crying. You know that comments are dementia talking. This will continue to happen. Caregivers, even those that do not provide the care need to develop a thick skin. Find a caregiver support group, that may help you to understand the disease better and help to develop patience. I am so sorry her comments were so hard on you. It is an absolutely wretched disease!

Breathe. Keep breathing. In & out. Until the racing heart slows & normal thinking resumes.

What's Mom in the hospital for?

People in pain, affected by pain meds, delirius, afraid, say all sorts of things.

Yes claims of financial elder abuse need to be taken seriously. But... also noted, researched & investigated in the proper lawful way.

Someone in a strange place, fearful & angry can often ball up all that & throw it at their nearest & dearest. Because deep down they know they are still loved.

That was aimed at you - her nearest & dearest.

Ride it out.