My mother in law hated me, but now she loves me. How do you handle it when there is anger?

Perhaps in her dementia she's forgotten that she hates you or whatever behavior made you think that. You could try experiencing her as a different person than she was, because it is probably the case that she sees things in a whole new way. And lucky you to be loved now.

I am 52, she is 87. She has dementia.

Need to give more info in what she previously did. At 58 what kind of help does she need? Independent Living means a person does not need help.

I can sympathize with you. Have a SIL who I did not speak to or go to her house for 10 years because if the way we were treated on a visit. To the point we were pretty much asked to leave. When my nephew was getting married my BIL begged us to stay with them. Whenever we are around her, I am just waiting for the shoe to drop. The last few years she has tried to be better but...waiting for that shoe to drop. It is hard to get rid of anger that has festered for years.

Negatively, if you are now caring for her or helping her in anyway way, it maybe because she needs you. So watch out, the first time she expects you to do something and you can't or won't do it the poop will hit the fan. (As one of our posters said yesterday) Or on the positive side, she sees your a person she can like.