Leftleftneff Asked June 2022

Why has my 93-year-old grandfather become obsessed with my 10-year-old son?

The two of them were closer when my son was younger, but as he's gotten older, he doesn't want to hang out with him as much. And now my 10 year old wants nothing to do with him because he won't leave him alone. We all live together so my grandfather isn't alone or in a home. He has become so obsessed with my son. He walks into his room anytime he walks by, sometimes just walking in without knocking, sometimes over and over again until my son is screaming at him to go away. If my son isn't home, he will ask me every couple min if I know where he is. I'll even write on a dry erase board where everyone is, but he still asks. In the middle of the night, he will get up and go into his room. There have been times I will be downstairs and I'll hear them upstairs yelling and cussing at each other. I'll break it up only to have to run back a min later to break it up again. It's a constant battle everyday. I try to explain to grandpa he doesn't want to be bothered then he just yells at me tells me to off. This is just one of many bad behaviors grandpa has picked up in the last couple years. Idk what to do it's causing a lot of stress on my kids....

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First

Your first obligation is to your son. You say grandpa doesn't have dementia. The living together isn't working out, period, and there may be a whole lot your son isn't even telling you.
As I said, first obligation is to your own child. Period.

Helpful Answer (22)

You don't know what to do? Remove your grandfather from your home IMMEDIATELY and protect your son before someone calls CPS and removes your son from your home for exposing him to abuse on a daily basis.

Whether this is dementia or mental illness causing such behavior, your grandfather needs a psych evaluation by a REAL doctor who can diagnose him properly. You'll then know which type of facility to place him in.

Helpful Answer (22)

This is the correct thing to do. Grandpa has got to go

(7)

Sounds like Dementia may be involved here. Gpa needs a good check up to see if something physical is at play. An MRI will show if any Dementia is present.

I realize you want to keep him out of a NH but you may need to place him. Its not fair to your 10 yr old to have to deal with this kind of thing or ur other kids. Seems Gpa cannot be reasoned with and this is one if the first signs of Dementia. Your family is #1. They need home a soft place to land.

Helpful Answer (20)

are there no locks on your son's door? can you move him to a different room so grandpa can't find him at night? ideally your father would be moved into care, as you can't let this go on for your son's well-being (and the rest of the family's).

Helpful Answer (18)

You need to realize that if Gpa does have Dementia sexual urges heighten. Your son may be afraid of him. I would have a talk with ur son, maybe his Dad. If Gpa is having sexual tendencies he needs to be removed from your home. Even though he may have no idea he is doing it, your kids should not be exposed to it.

Just want to make you aware of this.

Helpful Answer (17)

2nd what JoAnn said.
Take action NOW.

Elderly with start of dementia can fixate on people. This can absolutely become inappropriate & sexual.

Many have been abused as minors by family members in this way.

Protect your son RIGHT NOW.

Helpful Answer (16)

You say this is "one of the MANY bad behaviors grandpa has picked up in the last couple of years"
Dare I ask what the others are?
Your son in entitled to his own space in his own house. He should have a lock on his door.
If grandpa has not been diagnosed with dementia then he should respect your son and allow him his privacy. Obviously he has not grasped this concept and that leads me to believe there is some cognitive decline that should be diagnosed.

**side note here this might be a difficult conversation to bring up to your son but it is IMPORTANT has your grandfather tried to grab your son, exposed himself to your son or even said anything to your son that would frighten him in ANY way? I think this is an important discussion to have with EACH of your kids separately and in private preferably away from the house so the know no one else can hear the conversation**

If as you say grandpa does not have dementia then you give him a move out date (the sooner the better).
If he has dementia whoever is POA for him can make the choice of what MC facility he will become a resident of.
If no one is POA and no family wishes to become his Guardian the Court will appoint a Guardian.
A conversation with a Elder Care Attorney might be in order.

PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN

Helpful Answer (14)

I was wondering the exact same thing.

(2)

I am sorry for your situation. I am going through a similar situation with my elderly Aunt. Her dementia has been hyper fixated on starting fights with my 14 year old and obsessively scolding my dogs. This forum of people really opened my eyes. Sometimes we are so used to the people we love that we get foggy to the dysfunction and seriousness of the situation. I thought about my daughter sitting in therapy someday discussing why I wouldn’t protect her and let her have a normal life. My aunt is moving into MC 6/30.

Helpful Answer (14)