gabucks: This question was posed quite recently by another poster. In answer to your question, you may want to consider what stage the dementia patient is in. If a higher level of care is required for the individual with dementia and they are placed in Memory Care, it may be difficult to determine where the independent person will fit in an effort to still be able to see their spouse.
There are facilities for assisted living where you can pay up for level of care for one resident, and the couple can remain together. Be prepared, in my area these types of facilities run about $10,000 per month for the higher level of care spouse and $4,000 to $5,000 for the independent spouse, even though they reside in the same apartment.
I would say ask around. There are so many of these places now at least in my area of Michigan, that I think some may accommodate you to get a placement. For awhile my inlaws were in one together, but he was in assisted and she in memory care. This cost close to $10,000 per month. After she passed he left and went back to his home. However, while they were there a couple moved into the same room on the MC floor. He did not appear to need that level of care. They even let them have a lock installed on the door to their room. He was very protective of her and I watched him hand feed her everyday. Anyway, if you live in an area where there are a lot of these facilities going up, you may be able to get what you want.
In my mother's facility, which was a "continuous care" facility that had Independent Living, Assisted Living, Memory Care and Skilled Nursing wings, it is possible for one member of a marriage to be in independent living while another member is in another wing. One couple was together in Memory Care for a while, and then the husband had to move to skilled nursing for a higher level of care.
My father injured his back shortly after my mother moved into memory care. Although he wouldn’t have been eligible on his own, when he needed assisted living they allowed him to join her
gabucks: Perhaps you want to rethink your question as the individual without dementia may have a difficult time adapting to a managed care facility not to mention the financials used for two persons. Countrymouse and lealonnie have, I believe, similar points of view.
I realize there are couples who are inseparable; however, I would not move in with my husband for three reasons. First, the cost would be prohibitive. Second, the reason for my husband moving to memory care is because I can't physically and emotionally care for him 24/7. Third, living in assisted living or memory care would drive me crazy.
Yes.....there is one where we live that accomodates both spouses. They have adjoining bedrooms outfitted to the need of each individual. The one in Redlands, California is called Mission Commons and is operated by Holiday Assisted Living. They are very nice, if somewhat pricey. We have had friends live there.
There are. The difference that I am aware of is if a locked unit is needed for memory problems. Look for a place that offers many levels of care. You may need different living areas due to the extent of care one spouse needs. But talk to them about delaying or allowing you to share if that is your preference.
I considered living with my husband who has dementia for a nano-second, then dismissed it as suicidal. Why move to AL if I still have to take care of my husband when I can't take care of him now? Both of us living separately in a facility would cost $12K - $18k a month. I explored buying into an Independent Living facility with a fixed monthly charge for life. But why would I pay $150K-$300K for a community fee with a fixed $4K--$8K monthly fee for continuing care when I can buy a house or condo and sell it when I need to go to AL? I need good care for my husband. I am laser focused on that need.
Yes! My Mom’s MC unit has 2 people where one half of the couple is in MC and the other half is in AL on another floor. I don’t know if there are any facilities where they are in the same room together.
I will reveal that SO now works for a continuing care. The seniors buy condos and then pay a 5500 mo hoa.
The seniors are assured to this day they can go to the AL portion when needed, but it is almost full. They do not have an mc or a snf. The present model is based toward high end independent living with benefits that most benefit those at the higher end of the scale.
Many facilities that offer Independent Living accommodations have inferior AL & MC units, if they have them at all. I honestly see little to no benefit in paying an exorbitant buy-in fee for a unit in an Independent Living community. It is a gamble whose odds favor the facility.
Yes, there are communities that independent living and AL in the same area. Then the IL spouce can visit with the AL spouse. The AL my Mom was in had couples too. The wife was not too goid but the husband was. My SILs parents did it. She could leave and do her own thing knowing that he would be cared for while she was gone.
Have you considered (or tried) hiring a companion aid from an agency for your wife? Someone who is experienced in interacting with a person with dementia? This person can distract her, take her on errands, help with hygiene, and basically free you up to live more of your life so that you don't burn out? This is an intermediary step since your wife will eventually need 24/7 care and assuming your own health stays intact. FYI facilities charge by the person, so 2 people in one unit will still cost more than 1 person in a unit. Living in separate parts of a facility would be better, but cost more, unless you are able to be in IL, which costs less than AL.
My brother & I were on the brink of having to separate his father and step-mother, his health was terrible and she had dementia, they were fighting night and day, he had no patience with her.
We would have to move her to MC and he would stay in AL for the tune of 11K a month. Never happened as he died, we kept her in AL as long as we could then moved her to MC.
I do visit her and take her to lunch every two weeks or so, well, I must admit I have a very difficult time, the same questions over and over again sometimes 10 times in 1/2 hour, inability to follow even the simplest direction, then the emotional upsets. Round n round we go.
I cannot imagine living in the same little apartment with her, I would have a total mental breakdown myself.
This disease has no cure, it never gets better, it is very stressful trying to deal with someone who has this disease, let alone being cramped in a little space with no kitchen or anywhere to hide.
There are. As Lealonnie mentions, the key phrase for searches is "continuing care" or "continuum of care."
Are you sure this is what you want? It is possible to stay very closely involved in your spouse's care and quality of life without living on the premises, you know.
Anyway, I don't want to put you off finding out about them, only do take advice and do look at all the options before you decide.
I know of several Memory Care facilities that have had the person with dementia and the spouse residing in the facility, sharing the room. It obviously costs more. I think most facilities that have Continuing Care ability have spouses that are residing in different levels of care within the facility.
Wow. It would take a person with SOME level of patience and fortitude who did not have dementia to agree to live in a small Memory Care room with a spouse who suffered from dementia!!!!!!! Mind boggling. No activities for the non-demented spouse, no menu (just 2 plates to look at and choose one or the other), such a shrunken down world (literally and figuratively) that it would be a nightmare IMO and way way WAY too big a sacrifice to make.
You can find a senior living center with a continuum of care where one spouse can maintain an apartment in independent living and the other an apartment or room in their memory care building. I do not believe it would be possible for both to live together in the same apartment where both people have entirely different needs. Nor would that make any sense, really, when you think about it. A person with dementia needs a very shrunken down world with no kitchen in it, no appliances, no things of that nature to confuse them, whereas an independent senior would want all of those things in place to use as necessities of everyday life.
If both seniors were agreeable, they could live together in Assisted Living, but only if the spouse with dementia was in the early stages where they could function without the other spouse doing all the caregiving 24/7. My parents lived together in AL while mom had dementia and dad didn't, but she wasn't too far gone at the time........but she STILL drove dad crazy! As time went on and she developed moderate dementia, she moved into Memory Care AL but that was after dad had passed away. There would have been NO WAY he could have lived with her during that phase of her dementia; she was way too much to handle.
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For awhile my inlaws were in one together, but he was in assisted and she in memory care. This cost close to $10,000 per month. After she passed he left and went back to his home. However, while they were there a couple moved into the same room on the MC floor. He did not appear to need that level of care. They even let them have a lock installed on the door to their room.
He was very protective of her and I watched him hand feed her everyday.
Anyway, if you live in an area where there are a lot of these facilities going up,
you may be able to get what you want.
The seniors are assured to this day they can go to the AL portion when needed, but it is almost full. They do not have an mc or a snf. The present model is based toward high end independent living with benefits that most benefit those at the higher end of the scale.
The AL my Mom was in had couples too. The wife was not too goid but the husband was. My SILs parents did it. She could leave and do her own thing knowing that he would be cared for while she was gone.
We would have to move her to MC and he would stay in AL for the tune of 11K a month. Never happened as he died, we kept her in AL as long as we could then moved her to MC.
I do visit her and take her to lunch every two weeks or so, well, I must admit I have a very difficult time, the same questions over and over again sometimes 10 times in 1/2 hour, inability to follow even the simplest direction, then the emotional upsets. Round n round we go.
I cannot imagine living in the same little apartment with her, I would have a total mental breakdown myself.
This disease has no cure, it never gets better, it is very stressful trying to deal with someone who has this disease, let alone being cramped in a little space with no kitchen or anywhere to hide.
Are you sure this is what you want? It is possible to stay very closely involved in your spouse's care and quality of life without living on the premises, you know.
Anyway, I don't want to put you off finding out about them, only do take advice and do look at all the options before you decide.
It obviously costs more.
I think most facilities that have Continuing Care ability have spouses that are residing in different levels of care within the facility.
If both seniors were agreeable, they could live together in Assisted Living, but only if the spouse with dementia was in the early stages where they could function without the other spouse doing all the caregiving 24/7. My parents lived together in AL while mom had dementia and dad didn't, but she wasn't too far gone at the time........but she STILL drove dad crazy! As time went on and she developed moderate dementia, she moved into Memory Care AL but that was after dad had passed away. There would have been NO WAY he could have lived with her during that phase of her dementia; she was way too much to handle.