Mom gave me $75k to cover her housing, transportation and full-time caregiver job. Now she wants the money back and me out of her life. What do I do?
Money is gone but am willing to assist with her expenses as long as I have POA. She declined. Is getting help via social worker and attorney via APS. Any advice?
I so hope you have kept records of where that 75k went. Since your last post says she is in an AL, then most of the 75k went for her staying there. You mention nothing about maybe Dementia being involved. If so, this is part of the problem. As long as you can show where the money went, you will not need to pay her back.
Being POA does not obligate you to spend any of your money on her care. When her money is gone, then other options need to be looked at. Some states will pay for AL if the person has paid privately for at least two years?
Do not wait till Mom has run out of money to file for Medicaid. If SHE can't afford an AL then you will need to find a nice Longterm Care facility that takes Medicaid. If this is an option, I would look into it while she has money. My Mom was in an AL and had 20k left. I took that 20k and placed her in LTC and paid privately for 2 months. That got her in the door. That gave me time to apply for Medicaid, spend her down and get Medicaid the info needed. The third month Medicaid started paying.
If Mom does not have Dementia, you need to explain to her that if you are not in her life as POA and there is no one to take over her POA, the State will take over her care. A Guardian will be assigned to her and that person will make decisions for her. The next place she goes will be picked by the Guardian and you, as her child, may have no say in where that will be.
Did you spend the money on her needs? Does she have reason to think you took the money and used it for yourself? Does she have a dementia diagnosis? The disease can make people paranoid, so if she has that diagnosis, make sure that her assistants know it. If I were you, I might want to be out of her life, which is what she wants also, she says. Who does she think will take care of her if you're gone? I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this.
Cooperate with the lawyer and APS in their investigation.
Assisting her with expenses is a recipe for disaster. Your motherresources should pay for her care, not you.
In accepting that money without setting up a caregiver contract and legal help, you have exposed yourself to any accusation your mother cares to make and disqualified her from Medicaid assistance for long term care.
That money looks like a gift.
If she has dementia, it's possible she is no longer competent enough to grant POA.
If you have any receipts, emails, letters that mom sent, find them and present them when you talk to APS.
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I so hope you have kept records of where that 75k went. Since your last post says she is in an AL, then most of the 75k went for her staying there. You mention nothing about maybe Dementia being involved. If so, this is part of the problem. As long as you can show where the money went, you will not need to pay her back.
Being POA does not obligate you to spend any of your money on her care. When her money is gone, then other options need to be looked at. Some states will pay for AL if the person has paid privately for at least two years?
Do not wait till Mom has run out of money to file for Medicaid. If SHE can't afford an AL then you will need to find a nice Longterm Care facility that takes Medicaid. If this is an option, I would look into it while she has money. My Mom was in an AL and had 20k left. I took that 20k and placed her in LTC and paid privately for 2 months. That got her in the door. That gave me time to apply for Medicaid, spend her down and get Medicaid the info needed. The third month Medicaid started paying.
If Mom does not have Dementia, you need to explain to her that if you are not in her life as POA and there is no one to take over her POA, the State will take over her care. A Guardian will be assigned to her and that person will make decisions for her. The next place she goes will be picked by the Guardian and you, as her child, may have no say in where that will be.
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Assisting her with expenses is a recipe for disaster. Your motherresources should pay for her care, not you.
In accepting that money without setting up a caregiver contract and legal help, you have exposed yourself to any accusation your mother cares to make and disqualified her from Medicaid assistance for long term care.
That money looks like a gift.
If she has dementia, it's possible she is no longer competent enough to grant POA.
If you have any receipts, emails, letters that mom sent, find them and present them when you talk to APS.
Don't be defensive.