How do I tell mom she’s not going home?

Barb, it is! She recognizes a couple of old, but useful items, I’ve brought from her house, e.g. placemats, nik naks….but hasn’t asked about home. She will probably realize that PT is not coming for her and question what she is still doing there.

I will tell her the doctors say she’s just not safe at home anymore. It’s so much to swallow! But what else to do?

She chats with her neighbors and is happy when I ask if she wants to walk the halls. Activities folk encourage her and escort some residents to watch movies, play bingo, do crafts, listen to music and have some therapy dog time.

I believe Remeron has really evened her out with regards to being paranoid with me. She tells people how glad she is to have me as her daughter, we hug goodbye and laugh together … Things we have not done in years.

I’m just so glad she is safe and seemingly well cared for.

Gently. That she is not able or ready to go home yet. That she will be living ___________________blah blah and see how she does, see if she gets better and stronger, and so on. The "therapeutic" lie for now. And then later that she is not safe to return home, that she may never be able to do that but____________________blah blah. Just do it the best way you can, but don't expect there not to be grief and rage. Is this not worth the raging?

Therapeutic fib: "Mom, your doctor wants you to have a little more care at this place and you can be discharged when s/he gives the thumbs-up."

We've been telling this to my MIL in LTC for a few years now. She is bed-ridden and we tell her she needs to show her doctor that she can do her ADLs and get up out of bed unassisted. When she insists she can do this we say, "Great! Please show us so we can call in your doctor." When she realizes she can't, we encourage her to "keep working at it" and then we move on to another topic and she doesn't get upset with us.

My mom never asked.

I am told that a good answer is "that is up to your doctors, Mom."

So glad that she's in good care!

Yes, change can be hard. But I have to ‘sit with’ the transition a while and know she is safe and cared for. Mom was not safe at home

Thank you for the good wishes in this transition!

Transitional times are hard on us. I don’t know how your mom will react. I can tell you that my mom was happy to know that she was transitioning to an ‘end of life’ hospice care home because she felt secure knowing that she would have around the clock care.

Your mom may accept the transition well. I hope that everything goes as smoothly as it possibly can. She will adjust. Be at peace with your decision for permanent placement.

Others will chime in with their thoughts and experiences.

Best wishes to you and your family.