My mother went into a NH and has always been independent. My mother new prior that my sister in law was taking her stuff. After my brother and sister in law put her in and made her incapacitated by mother would cuss at sister in law. I am in another state. I requested no Ativan and nurses try to get off but sister in law pushes for her to get it. Then she fell and still in Ativan. Warned that she could fall again and die but they do not care.
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Hard as it is to hear and believe often when you are in contact from a distance, it’s unlikely she would be in NH if she didn’t need one. A patient has to have medical need, qualify for a NH bed, family can’t just put them in one for no reason. I don’t know the details but it seems reasonable to me that your always independent mothers needs have increased to the point where she isn’t able to be so independent. I don’t know what factors contribute to her need for NH care over IL, AL or MC but it seems like a reasonable guess to me that cognitive issues come into play given her sudden distrust of people close to her and then the addition of Ativan subsequent to her moving into residential care. Again Ativan isn’t typically just prescribed and given lightly. The falling may be a separate or a related issue, perhaps the propensity to fall contributed to her entering NH and perhaps she is very steady on her feet making any possible side effect from Ativan less likely and more immediately noticeable. Then again maybe its as simple as the possible benefit from the Ativan is greater than the possible side effects, either way only professionals, a doctor, can actually prescribe it so there were stop gaps before your mother started receiving it.
As her child especially who is living far away, you can’t help but worry and second guess these big changes she is likely complaining about, as you should. But while doing so keep in mind that you are very lucky to have a brother and a SIL who are so involved and “on the ground” so to speak, many of us here know first hand just how much more difficult that is than it looks and being constantly second guessed or worse accused doesn’t help anyone. So visit if you can and see for yourself, talk to the doctors and nurses but don’t be quick to question the people who are there doing the work and most in touch with Mom, her doctors and her needs. Showing interest in what is happening exactly is ok, it’s good but demanding you know now why this or that while they are in the mist of it without offering them back up or just a place to vent, offering assistance and compassion is just placing a bigger burden on those people who are doing the heavy lifting. I know that isn’t your intention, you want what’s best for Mom and the likelihood is they do do too approach your concerns from that perspective as much as possible unless they prove themselves to not be acting in her best interest, her best interest not theirs not yours but Mom’s. It can be a very hard thing to separate out so be kind to yourself as well. All of this is the same in my opinion no matter what the legalities but of course if that’s what it ends up boiling down to others are rite, if someone was appointed POA, MPOA, DPOA they have the legal say.
When taken appropriately under a doctor's supervision, Ativan can help reduce many of the common symptoms of anxiety, including panic attacks, unjustified fears, sleeplessness, agitation, and restlessness. In addition to treating anxiety, Ativan is prescribed for seizure, spasms, alcohol withdrawal, or insomnia.
Googling - What are the side effects of Ativan?
Confusion.
Lack of muscle control.
Blood in urine or stool.
Stomach pain.
Weight loss.
Tremors.
Overdose.
Addiction.
I also looked up -
What Happens When Older Adults Take Ativan? Since Ativan is a central nervous system depressant, people who take it may experience drowsiness, discoordination and unsteadiness. Older adults may be more sensitive to these effects.
I can imagine you're fears and concerns, but if you're a back seat driver there isn't much you can do.
As far as being independent, my husband can't wipe his behind but thinks he's in charge and control of everything and talks a good game.
If you're not there, you're not hands on, you're not elbow deep in her care, you're not an eye witness, believing that you are fully informed is difficult to accept. Maybe for your convenience you believe what you wanted to believe because of guilt or perhaps your own incapacities.
Your profile does not say anything about your involvement in your mother's care.
Zero.
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And like said, old people fall.
If that isn't you, then that's the end of it.
The Ativan is needed or it wouldn’t be prescribed. Do you want your mom to be in an agitated mood or would you rather her be calm? The Ativan will help to keep her calm.
I am sorry that your mom is falling. I hated that my mom fell due to her Parkinson’s disease. It’s awful. Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
A DOCTOR has to prescribe Ativan for a reason he feels is warranted.
Falls happen to ALL elders regardless of what meds they take. It's always a trade off as to whether the mediation will help MORE than it harms. This is the dichotomy of elder care and until/unless you're involved with the day to day management of it, is incomprehensible.
If you hold poa, go pick mom up and take her home with you where you can care for her as you see fit. If your SIL holds poa, she gets to make the calls. See if mom will change the poa designation to you, if she is of sound mind, so you can then take over her care and management 24/7 and withdraw any meds you'd like.
Nobody can "put an independent elder into a SNF" without her consent btw, UNLESS there is dementia or incompetentcy at play.
My mother lived in Memory Care AL for 3 years and Ativan kept her calm and from freaking out every afternoon. I thank God for that medication all the time. And nobody has ever accused me of "not caring if she fell and died as a result." That kind of talk comes from the armchair critics who do nothing in terms of care but have TONS of opinions about what those of us who ARE are doing wrong.
Either leave your brother and SIL in charge of mom's care and thank them for all they do, or look into taking over mom's care and management yourself. That's how empathy is earned: thru scar tissue.
Falls happen. It is not a matter of IF but WHEN
Many medications can have side effects making a person more prone to falls.
You probably don't know much about her medical situation other than what you've heard from her, which may not be reliable. How many total times has she fallen? How many times a day has she fallen? Why have doctors prescribed Ativan - is it because she's agitated and keeps trying to get out of her bed alone? Is it because she's yelling and thrashing around? Is she a danger to others, including the caregivers, or to herself? There may be good reasons for her to take Ativan that you don't know about.
Once they start falling at that age, they keep falling. She'll fall whether she's on Ativan or not. Of course she could die from falling. And of course, at 96 she can die in her sleep. Or not. I've been through this with both parents, who died in their 90s. Frankly, because of what I saw with them, if I were 96 and falling often, I'd prefer to be medicated to the point where I couldn't get up.
I'm very sorry for your mother's condition, but there's little you can do about it. That's what happens to us when we get old.
By the way, Nurses have no control over medications. The Doctor orders it, the Nurses dispense it. They cannot change a dosage or stop the medication without a Dr's order unless they are Nurse Practitioners. They can recommend that a resident be placed on a certain med but the Dr is the one who writes up the script.
and once the falls start they continue. A fact of life..I doubt it is caused by Ativan