Mom wants me to dump my daughter and granddaughter to attend her. Where are my priorities?

After my father passed, my mother did not have the income to live in her house. I built a beautiful home for myself with a finished apartment for her. She was angry that I didn't consult her before I did this. She moved into my home in her own space but "needed" me to take her everywhere (grocery, doctor, church, to visit friends). When it became obvious to everyone (except her) that she needed to be in a care facility, she asked me to quit my job to care for her. I had to pay for the house and couldn't do that. She tried to guilt me into taking care of her saying I loved the house more than her. I almost laughed asking where she was going to live without a house. It was clear her reasoning skills were completely gone. She never forgave me for "abandoning" her even after ten years of caring for her. You cannot allow your mother to manipulate you when she has no ability to see reality. She will not recognize anything you do for her anyway. Be with your daughter and precious grandchild where you will be loved and appreciated.

She’s trained you well!
Daughter and grandchild come first. Your mother needs to find a new hobby besides manipulating you.

Tell the neighbor , the next time your mother is “ wandering “ to call the police . Let your Mom explain what she is doing . Either that will stop her from pulling stunts or they will take her to the ER to be evaluated . It can be hard to know when they are being manipulative or really have dementia .

Your daughter and granddaughter should be your priority. If mom lives with you it's time to move mom out of your house. If you live with mom it's time for you to move out of her house.

The fact that she wandered about in her bathrobe - even if it was a plea for attention - may be a hint that she has cognitively declined past AL. Her judgement to make decisions for herself may be seriously impaired.

Her actions weren’t directly for you, but a questionable public display of needing attention.

Yes, some of us were groomed to put our mothers first. I cannot tell when my mother transitioned for being difficult to having dementia. She always expected to come first in my life and, when she went from nagging to guilt trips to rage to suicide attempts (because I prioritized my husband and kids), I originally just assumed she was becoming more selfish. I called EMS during her last suicide attempt and had them take her away. When she couldn’t name her town of 17 years, nor her grandkids, nor the year, nor which of her siblings were alive, we realized her unreasonable behaviour had become dementia-driven. She could showtime with the best of them and many people - family and friends - were certain she was fine. Your mother may have crossed the line as mine did.

Since when does your mother direct your life choices?

You are an adult. Do what you WANT to do.

Unhealthy? Yes. I would never tell my adult children what to do. She sounds like a terribly entitled person, used to pushing people to do her bidding.

The unhealthy reaction belongs to your mother, which I'm sure you realize by now since this isn't your first post about her behavior. Google FOG which stands for Fear Obligation and Guilt which are the typical manipulation devices used on us by NPD "loved ones".

Check out this article too, it's been of great help to me in recognizing passive-aggressive covert NPD traits:

https://lifelessons.co/personal-development/covertpassiveaggressivenarcissist/

Mom is playing you like a fiddle, pressing all the buttons she INSTALLED on you. You're now feeling guilty for wanting to spend time with your own grandchildren........mom loves it when her plan comes together. Soon you'll be at her beck and call 24/7 with no life of your own, and still feeling like all you do isn't NEARLY enough.

Wake up before it's too late and you realize mother has usurped your ENTIRE LIFE! Yet she's still miserable and you're on antidepressants. Whats wrong with this picture?

Go enjoy your granddaughter and daughter. Tantrums are manipulation. Don't feed into it.

The book "Boundaries" by Cloud & Townsend will help you.

I've had very similar experiences and regret choosing my mother over occasions when I could have spent time with my young adult children. My mother would have lived through my absence.

I'm partly to blame for suppressing my desire to put my children first. It makes me angry just thinking about what I didn't do because my mother "needed" me. Baloney.

You can't get these days back.

Don't be like me.

Peace.

OMG!!! Really???? Your confused about who should be your top priorities???
Please stop! You already know that your daughter and grandchild MUST come before your narcissistic mom right?
Your mom has really done a number on you if you have to question who comes first in your life.
Why are you the only sibling that hasn't figured out moms games and manipulation yet? And why do you feel the need to put up with her nonsense?
These are questions you need to ask yourself.
Your mom is NOT your responsibility!!!! Period, end of sentence!
Your mom has had her life and you'll never get this time back with your daughter and grandchild, so put on your big girl panties and start acting like the grown ass woman you are and set the necessary boundaries with your mom so you can actually start enjoying your life and do the things you really want to do.
YOU CAN DO IT!!!