Why is my mother, who has dementia, so suspicious of the family members she lives with? She accuses us of stealing, neglecting chores, etc.?

Simply put? Because she has dementia.

Her brain is broken.

There is no reasoning, no explanation that will convince a broken brain.

I’m sorry.

As it’s said here on the forum: Not everything can be fixed.

Wishing you peace.

This won’t get better. Start looking for memory care facilities for when you can’t stand it anymore.

Maybe her concerns are based on past observations. Once my aunt went into a care facility it was like a flock of vultures. My mother her sister was the only beneficiary in her will. But others descended on her house and cleaned it out

I suggest you read this 33 of booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:

https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2

Good luck to you

This is very common with any aging dementias. Those closest are often those who are most often accused. You will find a lot under dementia to inform you of this, not that it helps. I am so very sorry. The need for control, the losses and fears of losses seems most to have our "stuff" involved when we are failing.

You will find, if you use your search engine, a lot of information under paranoia and dementia to help reassure you that this is common, and I hope give you some hints on how to help foster a sense of control and safety for your loved one. Sure do wish you good luck.

My mother is 98, slight dementia, however, she has always accused people from stealing from her, it got worse as she aged.

She would use this as a tool to justify her not having a relationship with someone.

We would hire a cleaning person for her, she stole from her, hired a companion, she stole from her, her step-daughter stole from her, a nutcracker no less.

Everyone stole from her, but here is the twist she was a thief who actually did steal from her family, not once but many times. Her side of the family has not spoke to her for 35 years, nor does her step-daughter or me.

All I know is that this will not get better. My mother is in AL her stealing escapades have stopped, no money to steal (that was her thing).

My mother went through that. It was hurtful to me to be accused, but it was part of the disease. I hate the idea of drugging people, but Seroquel helped a lot. And she wasn't happy with her mind racing in a million different directions. Now she's gone through that stage and doesn't need Seroquel. So, ask for the drugs for your loved one.

Paranoia / delusions are a big part of dementia as the brain changes. My mom said her neighbors were sneaking into her home, that kids were stealing her mail, that men were giving her pills and raping her....if she watched a dramatic movie, all the sudden those things were happening to her, she would cover anything illuminated with post it notes, etc....it was crazy. I am thankful that she has never accused me of stealing her money, because I am not sure I would handle it well even though I know it's her mental illness doing the talking. Not only would my feelings be hurt, but I would be pissed because taking care of her is a lot of work, time and money.

After moving her into assisted living, she cut a hole in the bottom of her foot stool and started hiding things in it....a tooth brush, dirty underwear, socks, the remote. I was on a mad hunt searching for her remote control when I found the hidey hole and I questioned her about it. She said that people were breaking into her apartment and throwing parties and they must have done it.

I am not saying that the elderly are never taken advantage of, but I know that my moms stories were all in her head. I suggest doing some investigation before assuming that the family members are taking advantage of your mom.

It is VERY COMMON for people with dementia to become distrusting and start accusing everyone of thefts. My mother used to hide her stuff and later got upset because she couldn't find them, then she accused other people of stealing her stuff. This phase went on for about 6 months to a year for us. It was very stressful enduring it.

My Daddy thought I was trying to poison him. I had him tested for a UTI. After the antibiotics did their thing the accusations disappeared. After that when my Daddy would say or do odd things I would have him tested for a UTI.