My mom is in a NH with dementia. She has narcissistic personality disorder. She's always been verbally abusive. Am I obligated to visit?

Alva said ""No, you aren't obligated to visit anyone" unless you are legally responsible for them."

I don't see even being legally responsible for them makes you obligated to visit. I think even a Guardian only has to see a Ward all the time. Just needs to see them a few times a year to be able to say they are safe and well. That they have been seeing doctors regularly.

Mom has Dementia, she may not even know who ur. But seems you trigger something and that may not be good for her. She may get so agitated she is a problem for staff after u leave. And if she is hitting and cussing other residents out, I would ask why she is not on medication to calm her. No, you are not obligated to visit.

You are not "obligated" to visit but by dint of asking the question, you must feel some draw to seeing her. Calling other patients names really is not part of the equation when it comes to your visiting her, but sort of sounds as if you're trying to convince us--the forum members and complete strangers--that we can "absolve you of your feelings" and honestly, we cannot. No one can do that but yourself. Has she been formally diagnosed as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder and dementia? If so, then you should know that what she says and does may be beyond her control. If you don't want to go, then don't. Try asking yourself: Is is more difficult to live with myself if I visit occasionally and live with her rants afterwards or do I feel worse by not visiting her and feeling that I should? Only you can know what's best for you.

Obligated by whom?? We obligate OURSELVES to do things we feel it necessary to do, is the truth of the matter. Do what you want to do and what will leave you feeling good about yourself once your mother has passed away. What you don't want is to be left with regrets on top of all the rest of the mess you're dealing with!

No, you’re not obligated. “But it’s your mother!” is null and void if she wasn’t a real mother to you. Birthing a child doesn’t a mother make.

It is somewhat difficult to diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder in someone with dementia. But whether or not Mom has this disorder, the answer is "No, you aren't obligated to visit anyone" unless you are legally responsible for them.

Then you have really answered your own question. Call weekly to check on her welfare, and provide any extras she may need. Buy gifts for her birthday/x-mas. She is still your mom, and find a way to forgive her before she dies. That is for you not for her. God bless!

Go no contact and move on with your life. I haven't spoke to my mother in over 12 years, she could care less, she is 98 and in AL!

The only thing you are obligated to do is take care of yourself and your family.

Remove toxic people from your life, it is not healthy to continue to deal with this type of person who will never change.