IF you are able to move them out... who is going to pay for their next residence? If no one is their PoA and your parents don't have a medical diagnosis of cognitive impairment, getting them out is only one step.
Sounds like you'd either have to evict them or tell them a therapeutic fib to move them directly into an AL. There's 2 of them. Can they afford an AL?
Maybe the next time he has an abusive outburst, you call 911 and tell them he's threatening you (and your Mom). You can tell them he might have a UTI, or is having a delusional/psychotic episode. The EMTs will hopefully take him to the ER. Make sure to tell him he is also threatening towards your Mom. If they take him away then you have the opportunity to tell the hospital he is an "unsafe discharge" and can't come back to your house. Make sure none of your family goes to get him. If you talk to the hospital social worker, they can help find a facility he can go to directly. They may even start him on meds for his agitation. Not sure how it might play out. Once he's somewhere else, you can decide to keep your Mom with you or transition her to the same facility. The hospital will work hard to convince you to take him back, even offering to "help" you once he's back home -- do not believe this! Tell them it is unsafe, especially for your vulnerable Mom. Then go from there. Good luck! I wish you success in removing them and regaining your lives!
Tell them you 100% agree with them and they are correct. You will help them find a nice AL and then do it. Good luck. You don’t need to put up with abuse. You have options.
If you want to put up with abuse, maybe you should consider therapy so you can find your boundaries and get support putting those boundaries into place.
Throw it back at them. Tell them maybe that is a good idea because your living arrangements are not working. Maybe have some info available of ALs in the area. Explain that everything is done for them. Meals, laundry, cleaning of their room. There are activities if they want to join, entertainment. You think its a great idea. I so hope they have the money for an AL. If not, check out some Long-term facilities that will take Medicaid. If they have any money, use it to pay for the facility then apply for Medicaid.
People tend to look thru rose colored glasses when thinking about moving parents in. Its not like when they were children. They are adults now too and not under parents authority anymore. But parents forget that. And coming into your house and feeling it was OK for them to take over. Boundries should have been set back then. But now is now. Not sure after 7 yrs you will be able to take back your house because Dad, with Dementia, may think its his house. I do think though, its time to have them placed. Use Dads Dementia as a reason. He needs more care than he can get in UR home.
Sounds like you have become a doormat in your own home. BOUNDARIES! Dad has dementia. So there is minimal reasoning with him but if mom has is cognizant she should reign him in but according to your profile she is cognitively impaired as well. Are you POA for them both? If so if they are both incompetent you could place them in Memory Care or if you wish them to stay in your home you can hire caregivers that will care for them at your parents expense.
You know they will not move. I doubt that they would be able to gather their belongings, pack them up, call a mover and move out. But if this is what they want to do...help them pack, help them relocate. (if you do not think they are safe to live on their own you can report tat to APS.) What they are doing is "guilting" you and you are falling for it.
Take back your home. Sit in the living room, hold a conversation with your BF,. If your parents don't like it they can go to their room. If either say anything about you or your BF tell them that you are not going to accept that kind of talk and you can leave or you can ask them to leave the room. This is YOUR house, your home.
By the way if either are taken to the hospital you can begin there and say that they are not safe in your home, that they require m ore care than you can provide and to discharge to your care, to your home is unsafe. If they require caregivers in order to discharge to home they would have to agree to that prior to discharge.
You mention you are a retired nurse. First, thank you for all that you have done. It is not an easy job.
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Sounds like you'd either have to evict them or tell them a therapeutic fib to move them directly into an AL. There's 2 of them. Can they afford an AL?
Maybe the next time he has an abusive outburst, you call 911 and tell them he's threatening you (and your Mom). You can tell them he might have a UTI, or is having a delusional/psychotic episode. The EMTs will hopefully take him to the ER. Make sure to tell him he is also threatening towards your Mom. If they take him away then you have the opportunity to tell the hospital he is an "unsafe discharge" and can't come back to your house. Make sure none of your family goes to get him. If you talk to the hospital social worker, they can help find a facility he can go to directly. They may even start him on meds for his agitation. Not sure how it might play out. Once he's somewhere else, you can decide to keep your Mom with you or transition her to the same facility. The hospital will work hard to convince you to take him back, even offering to "help" you once he's back home -- do not believe this! Tell them it is unsafe, especially for your vulnerable Mom. Then go from there. Good luck! I wish you success in removing them and regaining your lives!
Good luck to you with figuring out next steps.
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You will be moving out.
I hope that you’re able to find a solution for this situation.
Your parents have basically taken over your house.
Are you seeking a solution to this issue, or are you venting?
If venting and talking about how awful and soul-sucking this situation is helps you and your BF get through the day, so be it
If you want to make a change, some of here will be happy to walk you through the steps.
I'm so sorry you are in this unsustainable situation
If you want to put up with abuse, maybe you should consider therapy so you can find your boundaries and get support putting those boundaries into place.
People tend to look thru rose colored glasses when thinking about moving parents in. Its not like when they were children. They are adults now too and not under parents authority anymore. But parents forget that. And coming into your house and feeling it was OK for them to take over. Boundries should have been set back then. But now is now. Not sure after 7 yrs you will be able to take back your house because Dad, with Dementia, may think its his house. I do think though, its time to have them placed. Use Dads Dementia as a reason. He needs more care than he can get in UR home.
My mother is 98 and in AL she loves it, new friends, activities, bus trips, she has 24/7 attention if needed!
You are being manipulated big time, they know how to play you.
It is your home, take it back. Stand up to them, show them the new and improved you!
BOUNDARIES!
Dad has dementia.
So there is minimal reasoning with him but if mom has is cognizant she should reign him in but according to your profile she is cognitively impaired as well.
Are you POA for them both?
If so if they are both incompetent you could place them in Memory Care or if you wish them to stay in your home you can hire caregivers that will care for them at your parents expense.
You know they will not move.
I doubt that they would be able to gather their belongings, pack them up, call a mover and move out. But if this is what they want to do...help them pack, help them relocate. (if you do not think they are safe to live on their own you can report tat to APS.)
What they are doing is "guilting" you and you are falling for it.
Take back your home.
Sit in the living room, hold a conversation with your BF,. If your parents don't like it they can go to their room.
If either say anything about you or your BF tell them that you are not going to accept that kind of talk and you can leave or you can ask them to leave the room.
This is YOUR house, your home.
By the way if either are taken to the hospital you can begin there and say that they are not safe in your home, that they require m ore care than you can provide and to discharge to your care, to your home is unsafe. If they require caregivers in order to discharge to home they would have to agree to that prior to discharge.
You mention you are a retired nurse. First, thank you for all that you have done. It is not an easy job.
Problem solved.