My dad is 95 with dementia. He was active and exercised 40 minutes a day, including neighborhood walks using a walker and with a caregiver or loved one several times a week. That changed 6 months ago when he fell and broke his hip.
He has been in decline since then. He now sleeps up to 20 hours a day, going to bed at 8 pm, and not wanting to get up until 2 or 3pm the next day. So, he is awake less, and eating less. We are keeping him hydrated, and making sure he has bowel movements at least every other day. If we get him up earlier, he is out of sorts, argumentative, refuses to do any activity, including his favorite card games or music, and dozes off frequently. Most family members say to let him do as he pleases, others say we should keep him on a schedule that has him out of the bed for at least 10-12 hours. I am interested in hearing any thoughts from others with similar experience. Thank you.
7 Answers
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At your dads age a fall is often what will do them in at the end, so let him sleep as long as he wants to and just make sure that he's comfortable.
And call hospice today! Someone is available there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and you don't need a doctors order to get the ball rolling. They will send someone out to do an assessment, and start pretty much ASAP.
Best wishes to you and your family.
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1) is the 8pm to 2-3 PM totally uninterupted sleep? Or is he having periods of time awake, either in bed awake , or having to go to bathroom, and then having trouble going back to sleep?
2) As the other poster commented, is he quite happy with this sleep pattern?
I would say the most important one is question 2. If he is quite happy with it, and there is still enough time in the day to get essential things done like eating enough, bathing, and he is happy with life overall, then that may change things on what you may do , compared to if he is not happy or things not going well.
Maybe there are medical reasons for why he is sleeping so long?. But the question that you, him and family would be the ones to decide is how deeply to investigate into why he sleeps so long....IN other words, AlvaDeer's advice in my opinion is very good.
I would ask you to consider your goal here.
Is your goal to provide comfort and care to your father in his latter days?
Or do you suppose you can stop the clock, turn the clock round to go backwards to a time when he is younger?
It is absolutely normal that our elders eat less and sleep more. As my father, early nineties said, he would honestly stay in bed forever if it weren't that it so worried my mom. He told me he had had a wonderful life and wanted now only to go to that last long nap.
Honor your Dad's wishes.
Know he is in his last days.
You are doing a great job.
Please don't try to keep him longer than life can be a comfort to him.
And whatever else you do, please allow your father to express his own wishes and thoughts about his last time on earth. Please don't negate his knowledge that he is nearing his time.
In the meanwhile, please leave dad be to rest and sleep all he'd like. His body is tired and worn out right now. No matter what you do, it won't be enough to bring him back to where he was before the fall.
I'm sorry you're facing such a situation, I know how hard it is. I lost my own dad after a broken hip at 91, 10 months later. And mom to dementia at 95.