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I have no difficulty with DH showering, but he does prefer to urinate OS. I think it’s because his prostate makes him a bit slow and he prefers not to stand over the toilet. We have plenty of space, 100 yards from the road, so it doesn’t both me at all.
I'm sorry, but I actually laughed a little when I read your question. No disrespect intended. It's hard. I know. So, where is it he wants to urinate outside? Is that ok? If you are secluded, and no one else cares, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's probably a passing phase. If his habits are causing a problem, then it is time to find a memory care facility for him.
I've said this before, regarding bathing, you may have to compromise on your idea of cleanliness. Accept that this is the best you can do, and it is good enough. You may be able to successfully give a sponge bath. Ask why he doesn't like bathing. He may dislike the water, or the whole routine may feel like too much. And ask why he is urinating outside. Maybe it's easier for him. Try to find a workable solution that takes his concerns into consideration. Our loved ones not acting "like themselves" is one of the hardest things we face. If their mental capability is compromised, they can't help it. You have to do what you can to try and understand, and help them feel comfortable.
I’d separate the two things – urinating and bathing. DH probably goes outside to urinate because it’s slower these days (prostate issues are common) and his aim isn’t too good. My DH is much the same. If you want it to be ‘neat’ get a pot plant and hose it down occasionally. My DH also likes the view outside.
Actually taking a bath in a tub is quite difficult and even dangerous. There is heaps of stuff on the site about showers, grab rails, bathroom mods, hand-held shower extensions that fit to bath taps, etc etc. It seems like the biggest problem is upstairs bathrooms that don’t have a floor drain (which is compulsory where I am). I’d suggest that before you get him into residential care, you search the site. Two ways: a) click on Care Topics at the top right of the screen, then B for bathing. 14 professional articles, 10 discussions and 514 old questions. b) click on the magnifying glass at the top right of the screen, and find drillions of posts which mention it.
Seek to understand why he chooses to go outside to urinate. If you know that directly asking "why" could lead him to be defensive, let him know you are curious about his "routines" and want to learn more about him. He might enjoy sharing about his decision making process and you might gain a new insight to helping him, and yourself. Good luck. Peace.
More than likely the answer here would be to have your husband placed in a memory care facility, where they will have folks that know how to get dementia patients to bathe and where they keep the doors locked so he won't be able to get outside for any reason. This time of year you don't want him going outside and getting lost and even worse freezing to death do you? So please do what you must to keep him safe.
I think that, if you are caring for your Dad in your home, it may be coming close to the time to have him placed in Nursing Home or memory care for his own safety. So sorry you are facing this.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
No disrespect intended.
It's hard. I know.
So, where is it he wants to urinate outside? Is that ok? If you are secluded, and no one else cares, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's probably a passing phase.
If his habits are causing a problem, then it is time to find a memory care facility for him.
I've said this before, regarding bathing, you may have to compromise on your idea of cleanliness. Accept that this is the best you can do, and it is good enough. You may be able to successfully give a sponge bath.
Ask why he doesn't like bathing. He may dislike the water, or the whole routine may feel like too much. And ask why he is urinating outside.
Maybe it's easier for him. Try to find a workable solution that takes his concerns into consideration.
Our loved ones not acting "like themselves" is one of the hardest things we face.
If their mental capability is compromised, they can't help it.
You have to do what you can to try and understand, and help them feel comfortable.
Actually taking a bath in a tub is quite difficult and even dangerous. There is heaps of stuff on the site about showers, grab rails, bathroom mods, hand-held shower extensions that fit to bath taps, etc etc. It seems like the biggest problem is upstairs bathrooms that don’t have a floor drain (which is compulsory where I am). I’d suggest that before you get him into residential care, you search the site. Two ways:
a) click on Care Topics at the top right of the screen, then B for bathing. 14 professional articles, 10 discussions and 514 old questions.
b) click on the magnifying glass at the top right of the screen, and find drillions of posts which mention it.
This time of year you don't want him going outside and getting lost and even worse freezing to death do you?
So please do what you must to keep him safe.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-help-with-bathing-and-personal-hygiene-top-tips-from-caregivers-212010.htm