My husband and I, after a year of separation, got back together. He works 7 days a week until dark and now he says he's thinking over moving home with his mom to be her caregiver. She requires a lot of things done. I'm disabled due to many health problems myself . I'm just confused on this. She has too many assets to get help.
What kind of work does your husband do 7 days until dark? When does he plan to have time to be her caregiver? What type of care does she require( transport to med. appt, shopping, cooking, cleaning, sit to stand transport, bathing, feeding, etc)?
How long have you two been back "together" and when did he decide to move in with Mom? Did he ask you to move in with Mom or is he the one moving, and if so, just where does that leave you in terms of a relationship (and BTW.... if he suggests moving her into your home............. don't do it!! you will definitely be the prime caregiver with no place to go)?
He works 7 days a week, at LEAST 10 hrs a day (so he's telling you this). I know of no trade that works these hours, not even owners of companies or salesmen. Anyway, work 7 days a week, at LEAST 10 hrs a day or his mother's assets. What would you do? Also, if he's not able to care for you with your health issues, how is he to take care of his mom with hers? Just saying
Your husband wants to take care of his parent.
That is his mother.
You just don't like her, and perhaps think that your Husband needs to cater to you because you're disabled.
How about you get a caregiver for yourself??
How about you just don't get back together with your husband.
Did you get back with him because he was taking care of you?
Also, stop trying to live in your mil
household and finances. Just because she has doesn't mean that she can afford care.
If she could afford it, she's probably not comfortable with the idea of strangers coming, plus there are a lot of paid caregivers that are abusive, and negligent..some who sit on their phones all day and not doing anything..some who harm..even kill etc ...
Have a heart....that isn't solely focused on your needs only.
This is what marriage means.
Take it from someone who's been there. The husband may have every intention of becoming his mother's caregiver.
The reality is that if there's a woman around (a wife, sister, or daughter) that person will become the de facto caregiver.
This is usually what ends up happening in these situations.
That's not the same thing.
I would strongly suggest that you encourage your husband into NOT moving back home to become his mother's caregiver because here is what will happen.
You and your hubs are back together (Mazel Tov to you both on the reconciliation). Your husband works seven days a week as you say.
YOU will be the one who becomes his mother's caregiver.
This forum is a good place to get put in touch with homecare options. Your MIL will have to pay for caregiving services out of her own income and assets. That is what it is for.
Do both your husband and yourself a favor and look into homecare for your MIL.
He can look into additional help caring for his mother. There are in home programs where you can have care givers to assist with her needs. If she needs financial help, there are programs that will help pay for those needs. We have a program here called IRIS that allows them to choose their own caregivers (including family). Family is usually the best way to go, because they love the one they are caring for and will make sure they get what they need.
Your husband is creating a disaster. Nothing good will come from it. If you have health problems too, it’s YOU he should be doing things for first. Hugs 🤗
Sure sounds like a lot of coincidence.
Adding another person to the mix at the best circumstances is not ideal, in your situation with husband working 7 days and you are disabled, it is recipe for disaster or divorce.
It looks to me he should hire somebody to help you even with chores, without adding Mom.
The bigger question is why would he want to be her caregiver? If she has assets, she needs to hire help. If he insists on helping with and continues to have his commitments, walk away.
Does he understand medical jargon? Does he understand the state policies regarding Medicare, Medicaid, Palliative and Hospice Care, Power of Attorney for health and finance are 2 different things?
If you are equally in need of a caregiver then why not blend the household together, so that her assets can pay for private care for the 2 of you.
Does he do any housework at your home? Does he make meals and clean up after cooking? or are you just eating convenience unhealthy package food?
However, he has not been taking care of you will only multiple if he moves in with his mother.
Contact your State's senior services to see if they can assist with an assessment of the level of care she needs as well as yourself.
Don't assume that she has too many assets because the levels of financial need are modified annually and on a sliding scale.
“Nice work if you can get it, and you can get it if you lie”.