I am really sick of talking about this and dealing with my parents and compassionately lying to my dad who has Alzheimer's. They constantly criticize me, even though they wanted me to be POA. I don't want to be the responsible one anymore. I just want to get in my car and drive away. I think it would feel so good to go away.
My mother is very mentally ill and is very difficult
to deal with .. I thank God everyday that I gave him and my church family to help me escape.. Peatera for you to find peace and strength ...
They don’t have much in assets and I know we’ll be looking at Medicaid . I’ve got an appt with an Elder lawyer to help me plan for them both. I look at it as one way to have to spend a little money and I don’t trust the nursing homes that much and they can’t give much advice anyway . Just want it to be over and done and them both be somewhere safe , not under the same roof with me !
good luck everyone , it’s such guilt sometimes but when you’ve never had a great relationship with someone and you are putting all your extra time to see that they are going to be taken care if and they still are nasty , spiteful, and still never think about your life - you just want to get this done and get away !! God be with us all .
There are some great books out there on dementia and if you are just beginning to deal with it I suggest you do some reading . It helped me understand them both better , made me feel a little better about not being the kind of person that can handle fully taking care of them st home , and gives you an understanding of what the future with them holds .
She now has a PT person coming twice a week...as far as I am concerned, that's her activity and socialization. No more once a week, draining dinners...it's not worth the drive as I always left on high alert filled with anxiety. She is a very mean, nasty woman...and her verbal abuse has significantly increased.
I am in the process of looking into assisted living. If that doesn't work, then she can pay for in home care.
Once I know that she is completely taken care of one way or another, I am relocating to a place far enough away...and will continue to live the rest of my life. This all sounds horrible...but at the same time, I've put up with this woman's nastiness all of my life (I am her only child and I just turned 61) and I am done.
I got through it, albeit with some depression and anger issues after my Mom died, by taking it one day at a time, sometimes one morning or afternoon at a time. I try to do little things for myself as they add up. I think of it as the "bank of me" and even a good cup of coffee and watching birds for a few minutes go into that small "me bank". It helps to keep me going.
I am definitely fighting depression. It it tough, and I am considering going to see my doctor. I have already got shingles this year from stress, and I don't want to get sicker. I just feel like no matter what I do, it doesn't make anything better. I going to try to make it minute by minute, instead of worrying about tomorrow.
he has posted under discussion
No, seriously, sounds like you either have or you're on the way to burnout. This is serious. It will affect your thinking and your health. You have to find a way to get out and enjoy yourself. Think of something you love doing and DO IT. If it means calling a friend or family member to give you time out, do it. Truth is, removing yourself from the environment (if only one day a week) is imperative. What makes you laugh? Do it. God bless you - you are obviously a loving and caring person, but we all have our limits. If you don't take time for yourself, next thing you know you'll become resentful and angry. I'm talking to both of us. You are loved and people do care.
It doesn’t help to know that 95% of us are 100% burned out. Your feelings are unique to you, but are really very common among caregivers.
Please post, if you care to, with more information and we can try to offer better advice.