I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
Or a convenience to men.
What if you were another brother?
I'm so thankful for this community of caregivers sharing thoughts and suggestions!
The exasperating behaviors resulting from significant brain damage! Like grunting, groaning, yelling out for hours at a time, including overnight.
Fighting off any attempts to provide personal cares. So its always a battle.
And finally - family, friends and neighbors assume I have time to take care of their needs, because they assume I'm at home all day with nothing to do! They have no idea how drained I am, physically and emotionally, every day!
took my dad to buy a new belt last night at Macy's. It was a demeaning experience. I need time to recover just from that one "good deed".
Is this how he's always been, or is this just since he's had dementia?
Battleaxe is subtle. You are far too kind, IMHO
the word “ Caregiving “.
Sometimes it’s “ Assigned Servitude”.
It would be the first time I see real justice in my life.
I hate the word: Normal, that's normal. Ok cool that's normal how do we deal with it, we try and redirect, we try to be empathetic, what do we do with this?!
Tired of any conversation being a land mine whether it is us just trying to engage with her. Or others trying to engage with her, knowing or unknowing bringing up past things that is a major source of conflict. Constantly cringing waiting for the fight after others leave because they unknowingly created a conflict that we have tried so hard to avoid.
Sick of feeling guilty or made to feel guilty we know we have done our very best to provide the best of the best and make the best decisions possible. Yet there is nothing that will help her be happy or at the very least content.
Just as much as she didn't ask for Alzheimer with Dementia, we didn't ask to be abused!
These people I'm seeing are strange. Years ago, I went into a job and did it. I did not get personal or was asked a lot of questions about myself. Clients knew I was there to care for them and allowed me to do a job. Now I'm seeing these clients want to have long conversations about their lives and problems. I feel like I'm being used as a sounding board instead of a home health aide. I want to get on with the work and maybe chit chat with them later on and keeping personal conversations at bay or not at all.
I need boundaries. I'm sick of people looking for me to be a friend and a therapist later to be met with lies and falsities being spread about me. I've witnessed a couple of them going back to the agency and lying. These are mental health cases, dementia clients along with needing personal care. I hate the agency in all due honesty that allows this type of behavior that later try to gaslight you and make you go back to these terrible clients.
Boundaries are needed in this field of work.
If any of you have some feedback on how to deal with this, you can send me a private message or hit me up here.
All I know is that I am quickly approaching burnout.
Either my sister or I do our parents laundry, not the NH. The bins are clearly marked. But some idiot put took their clothes for laundering and is missing. At first I thought it was only my mother’s stuff but it’s my father’s too.
I am leaving to go give hell to the laundry department. It is not a trivial problem even though it seems it.
I am under enough stress. I don’t need this.
🙁
Can I pay some money, and then you’ll take them….?
I swear I would rather someone clearly speak their mind instead of dealing with them being ridiculous with passive aggressive behavior.
I can see how this would drive you nuts, Scampi. Take care of yourself and enjoy your time off when you have off days.