Lately my mother who has short term dementia has been unusually aware that her mind is not working right. She'll get frustrated and say, "I don't know what's wrong with me, my mind is all messed up this morning." "What's wrong with me?"
At first, I just said things like, "Don't worry, Momma, it's okay" but last time she said emphatically, "NO, it isn't okay!" And she's right. I've also tried explaining, "You have a condition called dementia and it keeps you from remembering things, but there's nothing we can do about it, so we'll just deal with it and work through it together." Although this works sometimes, she is still frustrated and, of course, she doesn't remember my explanation past the moment.
I'm wondering if anyone of you has had to answer this question and what response you gave that seemed to help calm their concerns.
Thank you for any ideas or advise.
Then there are times she gets scared and I try to comfort her and tell her I'm always there for her.
Our mom has never acknowledged a problem other than she's old and entitled to forget sometimes. God help you if you try to correct her!!!
I often say we all need to get creative (and what works today may not work tomorrow, so keep creating!) because what works for one of us may not work for others. All suggestions are worth a try (and I am loving all the creativity being posted in this thread! Wish I could use some of the ideas, but our mom is one who doesn't acknowledge that SHE has a problem!)
My brother also started referring to her "bewitching hour" and she knows as well as we do that after 6pm it's usually not even worth trying to do anything important, she accepts this as her brain and body just being too tired after 6pm and we have all started referring to her bewitching hour to lighten the mood or conversation. Humor helps a lot if you can use it and they can appreciate it.
Also great ideas about saying she needs more oxygen, which can encourage some physical activity, which is also good for her! Encouraging her to work on getting "better" vs replying with downer comments is great!
We could tell it bothered her but like you we were at a loss as to how to keep explaining it to her. She couldn’t understand why she couldn’t remember anything. Was awful to witness.
The long explanation I give my mom is that imagine your mind is like a room filled with filing cabinets. All your memories are all neatly filed away with neatly labelled file folders for each memory. Then somehow the files are all mixed up and the labels are lost and now you don't know which file is what or even what cabinet they belong in. Some of the files you may be able to find everything that was in them and re-label the folder and file it away, but some will never be recreated. They are just missing for good. I told her that is how her mind is. It is searching for a certain memory but it can't find where it is in order to access it. Some memories will be accessed and some never will. She seemed to accept this simplified explanation.
Could you do something like that? It doesn't have to be perfect. You could just divide the brain into sections and write words like 'memory' in one part of the section and 'balance' in another. Make it plan and simple. You could then just write little notes around or on the side of the picture about what you have said to her or how you want to explain it to her. Or how much love is around her. You could also do one up and draw in little red or pink dots for the fighting or good neurons.
It is just a thought to help you explain it. I do realize she will forget, but maybe it will be easier for you to explain it to her.
I am sorry that your mom has to go through this. It is one thing to have dementia, but its another to be aware of something being wrong and not understanding it:(
But I do like what you did - if it works for anyone else, great!
I worked with a 70 year old woman and she would say that when she forgot something, there's that oldtymers again. We all were able to laugh and help her with whatever it was. We all used it about ourselves as well.
To much seriousness over the unchangeable can create unnecessary anxiety.
Don't minimize the situation but treat it with lightness.
With my LO, even though her doctor and neurologist told her that she had dementia, she would forget and ask about her confusion, memory, poor balance, etc. I focused on the positive, so, I'd say that her memory was poor, but, we were working on that with vitamins, medication, proper nutrition, physical therapy, doctor's care, etc. With her incontinence, I said that no one has a perfect bladder. This made her feel positive about her condition and gave her comfort. Of course, eventually, she didn't realize that there was anything wrong with her and she never asked questions about her condition again.
Although I don't personally know a lot of people who have dementia, I do interact sometimes with other residents in mom's place. So far I haven't witnessed any one of them acknowledging they have an issue. In my comment to another post, I mentioned our mother - she chalked being forgetful as OK, because she's old and entitled to forget sometimes! As we all know, sometimes = most of the time, and can recur in a matter of minutes!!! That was her stance and we just don't go there.
Despite mom's previous plans including AL, when the time came that we needed to move her to a safe place, she refused to move ANYWHERE, but in particular if AL was mentioned, "PAUGH, I would NEVER live in one of those places!" We had to come up with some fancy footwork to make the move happen (she helped out by getting cellulitis just prior to the move, so one brother typed up a letter from 'Elder Services' at the hospital, telling her she moves to the place WE picked, or THEY would put her in their choice of place.) Mad as a wet hen, but she reluctantly went with the brothers.
I would say keep giving her a simple answer like what you said you tell her.
It's not surprising that she's still frustrated and you have to find a way to be OK with that.