What is my responsibility to parent?

Manage her finances long enough to get her into an independent living apartment; a subsidized one if she doesn’t have enough assets.
It’s best to deal with the weird ‘precious metal’ investment while she’s alive so you can easily spend down her assets should she need care in the future and have to go in Medicaid.

Take charge. It’s your life.

Not sure what "...handling her business matters." really means. If you are referring to using her funds to pay her bills, it doesn't have to be very complicated, but it SHOULD only be done with POAs AND rep payee for SS funds. Using bill payer system, even automating payments, is useful (I prefer not to use the autopay, as they can be forgotten and you continue paying even though you don't want the service anymore or the bill is paid in full! I ran into this with mom's Sunday paper - something made me think of it and I had to call to cancel the delivery. They did refund the balance not used.) These take a little time to set up, but once done, it doesn't take much time to "manage" it. But, that doesn't mean you have to do it. If there's no online account, she can write checks to pay her own bills.

As others suggested, a consult with EC atty, drafting all questions and concerns ahead of time, might be the first step. Many do offer an initial brief consultation for free. Find several who offer this and take notes. If no one has POA, no one can really "handle" her business anyway. The EC atty fees should be covered by your mother's assets/income, not yours.

If she's living with you, her "business" should be very limited, unless she has a lot of debt. The EC atty may have suggestions for how to handle the "assets", sell them if possible, and set up the rest in a trust, to protect what's left for her and to cover her expenses. They might also be able to point you to fiduciaries who can manage your mother's income and assets. They may have the best suggestions for getting her out of your place and into a senior apartment (AL is an option, but only if she can afford it.)

"This was supposed to me my time. I'd made room in my life for that. I'd downsize; I'd simplified; I'd KonMari'd; I'd cancelled cable; and, I never installed a landline. I'd planned on traveling overseas; going on fly-fishing road trips, camping. I planned on many trips to visit my new grandchild. I planned on eating cereal for dinner when I felt like it."

This still IS your "me time", it's just run into a speed bump. KEEP your plans intact and one step at a time, implement them.

Downsize usually means moving to a smaller place - if this is your house and you can find a smaller one or apartment, prep it for sale and sell it. She will have no choice but to move somewhere.

In the meantime, search for senior apartments, see EC attys, set things in motion and hopefully soon it will be safer to find a place for you, a place for her and time to implement the rest of your plans! If there are any day programs for elders in your area, drop her off several days/week, to be with others her own age.

There ARE no rules that say WE have to provide the care for our parents. NONE. If she's capable of doing the things she asks you for, refuse to do them. Wake her up? How about just putting an obnoxious alarm in her room??? Playing helpless? If you refuse to do her bidding, get me this, bring me that, do this for me, she will either do it or do without. Providing a safe place for her, getting her to appts should be more than enough to care for her. The rest is babying, and shouldn't be pandered to.

You have gotten some great advice and suggestions here. I just want to add one other little option. I'm not sure where you live but in NJ if you don't want to take on the responsibility for a parent who is not capable of taking care of themselves and their "business" either you (or even a hospital if she happened to be in one and it goes a lot faster for the hospital) can petition to court to have a guardian appointed to care for a loved one. We took a person like that into our ltc facility from the hospital. Neither of her sons were interested in even speaking to her (or very much about her to us) and the hospital determined that she could no longer live alone so their legal team petitioned the court. Five days later she had a court appointed guardian who signed her into the facility and made financial and medical decisions for her. I think the secret is that they have to be judged incompetent but you can certainly check that out with an eldercare attorney when you speak to them. BTW, make sure that is a certified eldercare attorney. You can search for one at naela.org, the national academy of elder care lawyers.
Good luck and special congrats on your sobriety!!!

Jobaby2,

I posted very early on in this thread on January 2nd.

I am calling you out for your response to my post. Please don’t use the Bible to insult me because as you can see I don’t take kindly to someone who only quotes a portion of the Bible and takes it out of context.

I am willing to bet that no one else shares your opinion.

Do you know why? BECAUSE THIS IS A CAREGIVER SUPPORT GROUP!!!

So, knock it off! I am in no mood to deal with ignorance today.

Show some respect to the OP and those who are showing support to her.

If you are so righteous, then YOU can HELP by OFFERING to CARE for the ABUSIVE PARENTS of people who are reaching out for help!!!

Oh, and please read the scripture that I suggested to you about parents NOT provoking children.

God doesn’t require children to be doormats for their abusive parents.