My mother has no assets, only her Social Security which would never cover assisted-living or even memory care. For 25 years since my father died she has never lived alone, only with us kids and we’ve taken turns. Now she has moderate to severe dementia, and even though she can dress and feed herself, can do nothing more than that. She is disoriented in time and place and cannot remember even simple things that happened five minutes ago, although if we are in the same room with her she pretty much knows who we all are. Problem is, mentally it’s getting straining for any of us to take care of her. We cannot bear the thought of our mother being in a nursing home where Medicaid pays, which she would no doubt qualify for, because it seems the facilities that only take Medicaid are not that great.
Does anyone know what other options there are? And I’m not talking about in-(our) home care. We are all over 60 and there are four of us; two of us would find it an impossibility to care for mother in our own homes. Does anyone have any experience with group homes where there are few residents and Medicaid pays? What are conditions like?
There is one that I know of near here that a local nurse started. I have heard that it is run well.
Look for the best facility that you can find. If your mom has no money, what other choice do you have unless you and your siblings want to foot the bill.
It’s a tough situation to be in. I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Here is a website for your local Area Agency on Aging.
You could call them to see if they have a list of group homes in your area. Also check to see if they have other services that might benefit your mom or your sister.
https://www.aaani.org/
My husband’s great aunt was in a group home for a couple of years. I was told she liked it but have no personal experience. She was in her late 90s when she died. She lived in an independent living complex prior to the group home. I’m fairly sure she was on Medicaid. But that’s been several years ago.
I have been thinking of checking out group homes myself.
DH and I look after his aunt, 94 and with dementia. She has been on Home Health through traditional Medicare, living in her home with a daily caregiver for three hours per day private pay. Recently when I asked what would qualify her for an extra bath per week (she gets two on HH), I was told if she went on hospice she could get more services. I was surprised to learn she qualified. Since her dementia is not reversible, she was admitted to the program due to that diagnosis.
The person who talked to me was titled “community educator”. She is with the hospice group for the Home Health company that we were already working with. She explained that aunt would be eligible for respite care through hospice for five days each recertification period. When we discussed where the respite would be offered, she said group homes were not a choice because they do not accept Medicare which is what covers hospice in aunts case. Your mom might qualify for hospice under Medicaid since she has no assets beyond SS.
Is she on community Medicaid now? This would get your family a short break from time to time and some help each week on basic services like pill planners and baths. Hospice also covers supplies for incontinence if that’s an issue. In our case it wouldn’t work but in your case it might give you a chance to experience a group home setting. I know you weren’t looking for in home help but it might be a start in accepting services for your mom.
I share your feelings about NHs but many on the forum find them acceptable and the reality of our own aging has made us reconsider our options.
I encourage you to make some phone calls and see what services are available. Sometimes just a small amount of help can really make a difference.