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She likely smells the chlorine that is used for most city water and thinks of bleach. To her that is right - arguing likely won't convince her that you are not doing this. Could you find a third party - non-family member - who can tell her about how city water can smell like bleach (just in general conversation - sneak it in and see if it makes a difference)? Carol
Or try bottled water they don't have the smell of chlorine, and that might just end it all together! It worked for my grandfather, he would say the same thing but they had well water!! :)
My mom goes thru things at times that she is so convinced is true. I learned the more I try to correct her and tell her the truth the more she believes herself and the more I am lying in her eyes!! So now instead of discouraging her beliefs I try to ignore it. Soon enough she quits talking about it. If she is only telling you this and not the WHOLE neighborhood that your poisoning her! Than I wouldn't be so bothered by it!! Debbo64 suggested to try bottled water, try that it might do the trick for you as well. Good luck!!
You might try a Brita pitcher, it has a filter in it and will filter out the chlorine taste and smell. Mom likes her water cold, so she also drinks more water having a pitcher in the frig.
The point is, there are two issues here: her noticing the bleach smell in the water, and you having to deal with weird accusations from your mother. So your response can validate her experience and invalidate the accusation at the same time: "Oh, are you noticing the bleach smell? Yeah, the city adds it to the water to kill bacteria. Sometimes I notice it too. Let's use a Brita filter and see if you like that better." In other words, don't get two "no's" mixed up with each other: "No I'm not doing the terrible thing you're accusing me of, what an awful thing to say" plus "No there's no bleach in the water". You want a yes and a no: "Yes you're smelling something in the water" and "No I'm not putting it there". Now, you don't have to make the "No I'm not putting it there" explicit -- it will be taken care of when you address the problem. And you can say "Yes" even to things that aren't happening (bleach in the water is true, but some other things may be fantasy), because you're saying "Yes" to HER EXPERIENCE: "Oh, you're feeling like...."
The Brita sounds like something worthwhile. Explain that as folks get older they sometimes do detect odors & tastes they might not have noticed before. Explain to her how the Brita functions and let her watch you fill the pitcher from the faucet, then place it by her bedside or table. Bottled water will get to be expensive and she may have difficulty opening the seal if you are not there to do it for her.
Hope she is limiting what she is saying only to you -my mothers comments of false accusations went to other family members and others I knew in this small town. Hence the outcome was that they never considered the source- a very sick woman - physically and emotionally- and actually believed her. I wish for your sake that others know you better and won't believe it if she continues and says other things. The long term caregivers are the ones that end up with the frustration from the person they are trying so hard to take care of.
Yes, there is an odor of bleach from the tap water, and as mentioned it is chlorine. If she wants to drink just water-try spring or bottled purified water. At your Mom's age, if possible, try not to argue with her-Perhaps an explaination wil surfice. Best, Hap
Alwayslearning's suggestions are great. I would like to add to her's:
Do you think gram's statement is a "thought" or a "belief? In other words is she asking you if there is a smell in the water or does she firmly believe that you or whomever is doing something to her water?
False beliefs & paranoia are a part of dementia. For some those are the first signs rather than memory loss or wanderings or sundowning. This can be a real problem because folks with this type of dementia seem totally OK and very capable and manage for themselves quite, quite well. If they tell others about what they "perceive" you are doing to them, they often are beleived and you might get investigated for elder abuse. With Lewy body dementia false beliefs and hallucinations occur before memory loss (which ALZ does first).
If this is dementia, the Brita will be a waste as she will find something else to fixate on that you "are doing to her". "they are poisoning my food" is very common according to my mom's doc too.
My experience has been if there is one false belief there are others usually of the same theme. For my mom it is paranoia about people coming in and using/taking her things or using her living space when she isn't there. And she see's cats and rabbits that aren't really there too. Good luck.
I completely agree with ALWAYS LEARNING! She validated her concerns, and recognized that it is a WORRY of grandmom's!
I would also like to mention that since GrandMom has Alzheimer's there could be other things going on too. Her perception is off, her ability to make sense of some things is no longer working and she will/may see and think things that are not true or as they seem.
Learn as much as you can about Alzheimer's. There are dozens of books out there that will help you. "The Validation Breakthrough by Naomi Feil" may help you understand what is going on, and depending on your grandmothers 'stage of Alzheimer's' may help you get through some challenging times.
There are many articles on this website too that will help you understand more of what she is going through. God Bless.
I can relate to these false accusations because my mother accuses me of stealing her money when, in fact, I am giving her money. Knowing that your grandmother thinks you are putting bleach into the water helps me to understand that the accusations are not personal. Still, I have a hard time dealing with this type behavior from my mother. I would go with the bottled water myself. Now, can anyone tell me how to deal with my moM????
She could have vascular dementia, Lewy Body Disease or Pick's Disease (Frontaltemporal dementia). Both occur in lower % than ALZ. Dementia from them can be quite different and if you're looking for the ALZ signs they aren't there till the latter stages of the dementia. Strembath may want to have grannie evaluated with a gerontologist & a neurologist who can differentiate the different dementia' and work with the family in giving her appropriate care.
My mom has LBD - she has very high cognitive skills and still does well on the typical ALZ memory tests (like the clock drawing). She seems to be perfectly normal and we often hear "she is just amazing to be so lucid for being over 90". But the reality is that she is extremely paranoid, has fixed false beliefs and hallucinations. All will seem just fine and then she will have a episode of total confusion which happens with LBD rather than the gradual decline with ALZ. Her old internist would evaluate her for ALZ so she seemed OK but we could tell that something wasn't right. Some the ALZ drugs don't work for the other dementia's, so the correct diagnosis is important.
Your grandmother is probably correct as many municipalities do add the chemical chlorine for purposes of killing bacteria. Chlorax's main ingredient is sodium hypochlorite, a chemical of the chlorine family. Either boil or microwave her water before using it for drinking or else buy her bottled water. I never drink tap water because I too can smell the chlorine.
TRY THE BOTTLED WATER BUT FIRST PUT IT IN HER GLASS. THEN IF SHE SAYS IT HAS CLOROX START GIVING HER THE BOTTLE AND LET HER KNOW IT IS ESPECIALLY FOR HER.. I WOULD LOVE TO HAER THE RESULTS OF THIS.
My concern about Granny is not that she smells beach in the water (I do too sometimes for it is there), but that Granny thinks strembath is deliberately putting it there so as to harm her.
Thank you for the helpful suggestions...this is not the only, but the latest accusation...and it is a belief. She is absolutely convinced that I put clorox in the tab water. There is no convincing her otherwise. She also believes the eye doctor was drunk at her last visit. At her last doctor visit (regular doctor), only yesterday, I shared my concerns told him of the strange things she says and does, he concluded she is fine there is nothing wrong with her. So I guess I am crazy.
Strem - you may want to google "fixed beliefs dementia" for resources for her and coping skills for you (not gram - she's not going to change). If you can find a gerontologist in your area, try to get an appt for her with him/her for gram. If there is a medical school - they will have a gerentology department too.A GP just isn't trained to deal with different dementia's.
I find a diary is most helpful for this aspect of dementia. My mom has a real patterns in her false beliefs both in what happens and who is the person harming her. It doesn't make it any less crazy but can be amusing when you know that there is about to be an episode of "she robbed me again".
My mom's geriatric neurologist & I a rather long talk about the false beliefs and delusions and hallucinations just today. His take on it is that the false beliefs are related to something scary that happened in the patients past; the delusions are a coping mechanism for the patient to deal with not being able to process their thinking and the type of hallucinations are determined by what part of the brain is deteriorating from dementia. And none of it is at all personal to you but to a trait that you have that triggers their fear (& it will come up again and again - not fun!). And until they die and an autopspy and slides done on their brain you can't tell for sure just what type of dementia they had and where.
Although it doesn't get better, it can be more manageable with the right med's. Good luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
If she is only telling you this and not the WHOLE neighborhood that your poisoning her! Than I wouldn't be so bothered by it!!
Debbo64 suggested to try bottled water, try that it might do the trick for you as well.
Good luck!!
Best,
Hap
Do you think gram's statement is a "thought" or a "belief?
In other words is she asking you if there is a smell in the water or does she firmly believe that you or whomever is doing something to her water?
False beliefs & paranoia are a part of dementia. For some those are the first signs rather than memory loss or wanderings or sundowning. This can be a real problem because folks with this type of dementia seem totally OK and very capable and manage for themselves quite, quite well. If they tell others about what they "perceive" you are doing to them, they often are beleived and you might get investigated for elder abuse.
With Lewy body dementia false beliefs and hallucinations occur before memory loss (which ALZ does first).
If this is dementia, the Brita will be a waste as she will find something else to fixate on that you "are doing to her". "they are poisoning my food" is very common according to my mom's doc too.
My experience has been if there is one false belief there are others usually of the same theme. For my mom it is paranoia about people coming in and using/taking her things or using her living space when she isn't there. And she see's cats and rabbits that aren't really there too.
Good luck.
I would also like to mention that since GrandMom has Alzheimer's there could be other things going on too. Her perception is off, her ability to make sense of some things is no longer working and she will/may see and think things that are not true or as they seem.
Learn as much as you can about Alzheimer's. There are dozens of books out there that will help you. "The Validation Breakthrough by Naomi Feil" may help you understand what is going on, and depending on your grandmothers 'stage of Alzheimer's' may help you get through some challenging times.
There are many articles on this website too that will help you understand more of what she is going through. God Bless.
She could have vascular dementia, Lewy Body Disease or Pick's Disease (Frontaltemporal dementia). Both occur in lower % than ALZ. Dementia from them can be quite different and if you're looking for the ALZ signs they aren't there till the latter stages of the dementia. Strembath may want to have grannie evaluated with a gerontologist & a neurologist who can differentiate the different dementia' and work with the family in giving her appropriate care.
My mom has LBD - she has very high cognitive skills and still does well on the typical ALZ memory tests (like the clock drawing). She seems to be perfectly normal and we often hear "she is just amazing to be so lucid for being over 90". But the reality is that she is extremely paranoid, has fixed false beliefs and hallucinations. All will seem just fine and then she
will have a episode of total confusion which happens with LBD rather than the gradual decline with ALZ. Her old internist would evaluate her for ALZ so she seemed OK but we could tell that
something wasn't right. Some the ALZ drugs don't work for
the other dementia's, so the correct diagnosis is important.
THEN IF SHE SAYS IT HAS CLOROX START GIVING HER THE BOTTLE AND LET HER KNOW IT IS ESPECIALLY FOR HER..
I WOULD LOVE TO HAER THE RESULTS OF THIS.
you may want to google "fixed beliefs dementia" for resources for her and coping skills for you (not gram - she's not going to change). If you can find a gerontologist in your area, try to get an appt for her with him/her for gram. If there is a medical school - they will have a gerentology department too.A GP
just isn't trained to deal with different dementia's.
I find a diary is most helpful for this aspect of dementia. My mom has a real patterns in her false beliefs both in what happens and who is the person harming her. It doesn't make it any less crazy but can be amusing when you know that there is about to be an episode of "she robbed me again".
My mom's geriatric neurologist & I a rather long talk about the
false beliefs and delusions and hallucinations just today. His take on it is that the false beliefs are related to something scary that happened in the patients past; the delusions are a coping mechanism for the patient to deal with not being able to
process their thinking and the type of hallucinations are determined by what part of the brain is deteriorating from dementia. And none of it is at all personal to you but to a trait that you have that triggers their fear (& it will come up again and again - not fun!). And until they die and an
autopspy and slides done on their brain you can't tell for sure
just what type of dementia they had and where.
Although it doesn't get better, it can be more manageable
with the right med's. Good luck.